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Open Poetry #7
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~Carried off by the waves of you~
| Open Poetry #7 |
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~Carried off by the waves of you~ |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia 
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You gently carry me upon your waves of sweet caress Carry me with soft spoken words of fine finess Your waves gently move across me like a fine silken sheet Never ending waves rolling towards an end where they do finally meet You carry me across many emotional expances never worrying what the tide may bring Riding your waves with you is a wonderous thing So the waves of you they do carry me Through many a rough and trecherous sea And all the time your waves of strength hold me up in this harsh world I only hope I do the same for you and in our sea of love we're curled Dear All I would really appreciated your comments here, wasn't too sure about posting this one I'm not sure it flows real well. Please be honest  Luv Ya's TC~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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| © Copyright 2000 Tracie Maree Collis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Tracie it is lovely. I am not a critic, and wouldn't criticize this if I were one. ~netswan |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Thanks sweetie, I truly wasn't quite sure about it and I'm still not no matter how many times I read it. Appreciate you reading and replying...Thanks TC~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Tracie, I feel something could still be changed to this poem, but even the original one is quite beautiful, in fact, very beautiful. I have posted you an e-mail saying how I would have have done this one... All the same, there are some very beautiful sentiments put forward... I hope you don't mind my e-mail... Many regards, sudhir. Hey you, out there in the cold, Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisle, With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me? Hey you, don't help them to bury the light. Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own, Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me? Hey you, with your ear against the wall, Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home.... by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Your waves gently move across me like a fine silken sheet" Oh, I can feel this line Tracie ... this is a lovely poem, said with feeling and imagery. I'm glad you posted this! Best wishes, /Kit |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Dear Sudhir Thanks for your e mail, I have rewritten this poem in my journal nearly the same as you suggested. I thankyou for your help and honesty. Luv Tracie~ Kit~ Thats for your lovely comments, it is appreciated Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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