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Passions in Poetry

~Carried off by the waves of you~

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tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


0 posted 06-07-2000 03:19 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

You gently carry me upon your waves of sweet caress
Carry me with soft spoken words of fine finess

Your waves gently move across me like a fine silken sheet
Never ending waves rolling towards an end where they do finally meet

You carry me across many emotional expances never worrying what the tide may bring
Riding your waves with you is a wonderous thing

So the waves of you they do carry me
Through many a rough and trecherous sea

And all the time your waves of strength hold me up in this harsh world
I only hope I do the same for you and in our sea of love we're curled

Dear All I would really appreciated your comments here, wasn't too sure about posting this one I'm not sure it flows real well.
Please be honest  
Luv Ya's
TC~



 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


© Copyright 2000 Tracie Maree Collis - All Rights Reserved
netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


1 posted 06-07-2000 03:46 AM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

Tracie it is lovely. I am not a critic,
and wouldn't criticize this if I were one.

~netswan
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


2 posted 06-07-2000 03:54 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

Thanks sweetie, I truly wasn't quite sure about it and I'm still not no matter how many times I read it.
Appreciate you reading and replying...Thanks  
TC~


 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


3 posted 06-07-2000 04:08 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Tracie,

I feel something could still be changed to this poem, but even the original one is quite beautiful, in fact, very beautiful. I have posted you an e-mail saying how I would have have done this one...

All the same, there are some very beautiful sentiments put forward...

I hope you don't mind my e-mail...

Many regards, sudhir.

 Hey you, out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisle,
With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me?
Hey you, don't help them to bury the light.
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you, out there on your own,
Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?
Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home....

by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


4 posted 06-07-2000 06:04 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

"Your waves gently move across me like a fine silken sheet"

Oh, I can feel this line Tracie ... this is a lovely poem, said with feeling and imagery. I'm glad you posted this!

Best wishes,
/Kit
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


5 posted 06-11-2000 12:24 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

Dear Sudhir
Thanks for your e mail, I have rewritten this poem in my journal nearly the same as you suggested. I thankyou for your help and honesty.
Luv Tracie~

Kit~
Thats for your lovely comments, it is appreciated  
Tracie~


 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


 
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