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Passions in Poetry

~Star Dance Haiku~

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Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 12-26-1999
Posts 5512
Ontario, CANADA


0 posted 06-05-2000 02:59 PM       View Profile for Honeybee   Email Honeybee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Honeybee

*Well, I like the idea of this haiku, but for some reason the last line seems a bit out of place, or maybe not, I can't decide, I'm really hard on myself.  Please share any suggestions with me OR if it's okay the way it is, let me know  

~STAR DANCE HAIKU~

5-7-5

Oh radiant star!
performing your dreamy dance
soft thoughts of romance

*By Melissa Honeybee*
© Copyright 2000 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved
Witch's Brat
Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 103


1 posted 06-05-2000 03:19 PM       View Profile for Witch's Brat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Witch's Brat

How about "through the darkened skies"? Either way, it is very sweet, Melissa!

WB


 I am a disturbed person, and I write about disturbed people. ~Tennessee Williams
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 12-26-1999
Posts 5512
Ontario, CANADA


2 posted 06-05-2000 08:59 PM       View Profile for Honeybee   Email Honeybee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Honeybee

Witch's Brat - Thanks for replying, I'll take your suggestion into consideration  

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee
 
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