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Open Poetry #7
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Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209


0 posted 2000-06-05 02:58 PM


in her mind she is one
with the dance
she closes her eyes
as he encircles her waist
with his hands
her arms willow
and slowly she bends
turns and sways
safe in his embrace
in his acceptance
humming softly
to the music
they create
gracefully releasing
the pressures
the stress of the day

by habit
her fingers clutch the wheel
and put the turn signal
at the appropriate places
she downshifts to save wear
and tear
she does all the right things
she never exceeds
the speed limit...
on the way
home




[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 06-05-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
sea_of_okc
Senior Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 568
Oklahoma City, OK, USA
1 posted 2000-06-05 03:07 PM


Very nice imagery. I like the break and the harsh change of mood from her serene and beautiful daydreaming to reality. Nice job!
Alle'cram
Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816
Texas
2 posted 2000-06-05 03:30 PM


Same person, huh.. well, I liked her dancing because I like to dance; liked her routine safety habits driving, (must confess, I can not drive 55); Pretty all round perfect picture you painted.  Good job. marcy
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
3 posted 2000-06-05 03:40 PM


elegant dancer, habituated by
life's routine ways,
beautiful dreams of love and grace,
each day, with same path pass by...

-------------------------
wonderful work Corazon,

regards, sudhir

 Hey you, out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisle,
With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me?
Hey you, don't help them to bury the light.
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you, out there on your own,
Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?
Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home....

by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2000-06-05 03:51 PM


Yeah, right... If she is who I think she is, she puts the pedal to the medal and dares the cops to notice! *G*

The transition from dreamy to numb-minded acceptance is great... Well done!

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

5 posted 2000-06-05 03:53 PM


sea, yep stark contrast...you hit it right, thanks  

alle, well, it is not always so perfect, reread the ending...(or lol, maybe its me the poet who needs to do a rewrite) thanks for the read and comments

sudhir, thank you  

suthern, I missed you   aren't you supposed to be busy *bg*...like I wouldn't trade a few minutes of your busy time for a read on my poem in a heartbeat   thanks girl...but still I guess I missed it with this one...the ending says it all....lol...I never never confessed to NOT speeding...just...not on the way home  

[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 06-05-2000).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
6 posted 2000-06-05 04:14 PM


Sometimes doing the right things (or at least what we believe to be right in our minds) is the only thing that keeps us hanging on. It's hard to learn to do what's "right for us", but I'm learning and I really believe you are too. So take the long way home tonight and spread your wings just a bit and see how great it feels to fly  
Hugs

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

7 posted 2000-06-05 04:16 PM


now how could I argue with advise that makes me smile from ear to ear, thanks hoot...am trying...you give me inspiration my friend  
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
8 posted 2000-06-05 11:58 PM


Madam, you may not always do the right thing but you always do the "write" thing! Every one of your poems puts me right there inside your head....a pretty nice place, really  
Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

9 posted 2000-06-06 09:15 AM


bal you have a way of commenting that makes the author feel good   thanks
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
10 posted 2000-06-06 09:29 AM


Corazon~ this really packs a punch. I enjoyed it.   -SEA
Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
11 posted 2000-06-06 06:37 PM


Corazon, you are with the right dance with this one.... I wonder if maybe there isn't a little bit of a speed demon in there...  

Parker

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