How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #7 Archive
 Endings and Beginnings   [ Page: 1  2  ]
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Endings and Beginnings

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 06-04-2000 11:38 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Our marriage had been wonderful. At least I thought it so.
That's why the pain was so intense the day you turned to go.
I'd been with you so many years it wasn't easy to
Face the thought of going through a lifetime without you.

For months I never left the house. I lie in bed instead,
A slideshow of our life together playing in my head.
Your fingerprints upon my heart I still could not erase
So there I sat, evading that new world I couldn't face.

After a brief time I began to drive the streets at night,
Drove for hours in melancholy shades of neon light
Ate in all-night diners where the lonely people go
And watched the night unfolding over endless cups of joe.

I watched young lovers, arm in arm, with laughter in their eyes
Giggle to each other over omelettes and fries.
I saw old men in corners, trying hard to be unseen.
Young love in front - old men behind - and I sat in-between.

A parade of lonely months went by. The time had come at last
To move along and put away the heartaches of the past.
Although my thoughts were still of you I had to start anew
To put together pieces of a lifetime I once knew.

I asked a girl at work if she would like to catch a show
But she was busy so I asked another - who said no.
Diana at the diner also turned my offer down.
I just could not believe a willing girl could not be found!

I've been considered handsome. I've succeeded at my work.
My clothes are always neat. I don't come on like I'm some jerk.
Girls have always eyed me - gave me signals that said GO
But, at the point I needed someone, all I heard was no.

And then that's when it hit me. I knew what they tried to say.
The desperate need they saw in me was why they turned away.
There was a big sign LOSER on my forehead in full view.
The confidence I'd always felt has disappeared with you.

One night while I was driving….it was 4 AM or so
I saw a flashing neon sign give off a fading glow.
MASSAGE - OPEN 24 HOURS was what the message bore..
A desperate need for someone's touch propelled me through the door.

The room they led me into had a table - nothing more,
A hook to hang my clothes on and an unswept concrete floor.
I closed my eyes, took off my clothes and lay there very still
Not knowing if my shaking came from shame or evening chill.

She entered through the side door. As a beauty, she was not.
Whatever looks she might have had were fully gone to pot.
She weighed around 260 and her hair-do was a fright
And, in a string bikini, she was really quite a sight!

I kept my eyes closed very tight and felt her hands begin.
I was surprised the gentle way her fingers touched my skin.
It had been many months since I had felt another's touch
And hadn't realized that I had missed it so damn much.

Her hands went on their merry way.It didn't matter who….
Carresses I was feeling could have only come from you.
I heard the roaches scurrying across the concrete floor
But, lost in your sweet memories, I only wanted more.

I asked her to lie down with me and hold me for a while,
Pretend she cared about me - She just looked at me and smiled.
I asked her to touch me in ways to summon passion's thrill
And treat me like a lover….Here her smile grew wider still.

By this time I was pleading. I would pay! I didn't care!
My needs came pouring unrestrained as I was lying there.
With self-respect behind me, in a moment quite unproud,
I begged her to make love to me…That's when she laughed out loud.

And that was when it happened. I could feel my mind go numb.
Her laughter was a wake-up call to what I had become.
I looked at myself on the table in full nudity
And at this obese woman who was laughing down at me.

I looked at my clothes on the hook, the dirty concrete floor,
Chipped polish on her fingernails, exit sign on door.
Her head had brushed a hanging light bulb, swaying to and fro
Which gave the scene an eerie and surrealistic glow.

I got down from the table, put my feet on solid ground.
I took my clothes down from the hook and dressed without a sound.
I smiled at that old woman I'd been begging for a touch
And, in a tranquil voice, I said "I thank you very much".

The graying dawn was breaking in the cool of morning chill.
The birds were singing, sun was creeping over yonder hill.
The grass was coated with a sheet of early-morning dew.
I smiled up at the clouds and then…..began my life anew.

© Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 06-04-2000 11:46 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

sweet sweet deer,
there are SO many lines in this that touch me
i dont even know how to respond ...
i am at a loss for words...
so i will simply and sincerely say...
I LOVE WHEN YOU WRITE LIKE THIS...
thank you for sharing this with us.
take care my kind-wisepoet
jm

 I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem
I'm feeling ...
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
cuz there's a little bit of something me...
In everything in you.
~MB20~

"What the caterpillar calls the end ...
The world calls a butterfly"
~Lao Tze Tao~
~Butterflies are meant to be free~

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


2 posted 06-04-2000 11:48 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

Quite the story teller as always.    It had just the right touches of something amusing, and something serious.   Yep. I definetely enjoyed it.  

 Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau"


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


3 posted 06-05-2000 12:12 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

I guess sometimes there is a point when the only way to travel is up...what a great story teller you are, my deer...a very poignant human story.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


4 posted 06-05-2000 12:17 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Yes, wonderful story, and you have proven once again that you are a very talented writer of fiction!  

Denise
X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592
Oregon


5 posted 06-05-2000 12:22 AM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

ba da bom!
This was great Deer...you had me absolutely hooked. I love your writing...*encore encore*
~H
mariee66
Senior Member
since 01-30-2000
Posts 621
Recess, OfYourMind


6 posted 06-05-2000 01:01 AM       View Profile for mariee66   Email mariee66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mariee66

Once I started reading, I couldn't stop!  This was a great story!
Marie~
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


7 posted 06-05-2000 05:05 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

You are simply amazing...
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


8 posted 06-05-2000 05:43 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Great verse Baladeer ... I read from start to end eagerly anticipating the outcome ... well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553


9 posted 06-05-2000 06:10 AM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose

Oh Good Lord!! I don't know whether to write about the movies or massages, this is great, and believe I have had a few experiences with massages!!!!
by the way my sister in law is gorgeous and gives a great massage but right now she's nursing a broken arm  
this was one I couldn't wait to finish, but I wasn't too terribly surprised at the ending, after all this isn't the adult forum!!!


 Kathleen
indy31_99@yahoo.com

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


10 posted 06-05-2000 06:21 AM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

All it takes it a touch.............wow this is very powerful writing m'dear!! I'm always impressed by your perception and your stories within your weave.........BRAVO!!
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


11 posted 06-05-2000 07:26 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Yes. You were right. I did enjoy this very much. (The image you painted of the massuese was a riot, btw)

I'd like to know what happened after that, tho.... birds, sun, early morning dew, clouds... and a smile... sound lovely but...

what about that missing touch? how did the 'new life' progress?

Well done, Michael. As always, you show a wisdom I respect while telling a story with style and finesse. This one paints a vivid picture of the interior of a man's soul (and a pretty vivid picture of the interior of a dank and dismal massage parlor, too... LOL)... and builds to his realization of the need to snap out of his situation and get back to living.

Thanks for posting this.

doreen
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


12 posted 06-05-2000 10:36 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

How I miss your story telling! A little chuckle right in the middle of a serious subject. I'm with Doreen here, you need to write a sequel here, part 2. Please???  

Let us know what happened when you walked out that door. Excellent story telling as always Michael! Entranced from the beginning.
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


13 posted 06-05-2000 10:44 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

I wanna see a sequel too...

Elizabeth


 And this I say to you: why? Why? Just tell me why, so I can understand. Why?


angelswing
Senior Member
since 02-10-2000
Posts 718
United Kingdom


14 posted 06-05-2000 10:44 AM       View Profile for angelswing   Email angelswing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for angelswing

What a well written poem, I love the way you write with so much experience, it's as if you've been there, but then again old age is a home for the damned and spent so open the doors I'm on my way there write now . I thought your imagery was very explicitly detailed, wounderful .
L.of.L. Tom .


 Insanity is a perfectly normal responce to an abnormal world -R.D.Laing.-
angelsamongus
Member
since 05-27-2000
Posts 73
New York


15 posted 06-05-2000 10:57 AM       View Profile for angelsamongus   Email angelsamongus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit angelsamongus's Home Page   View IP for angelsamongus

'deer I really enjoyed this. I smiled and felt saddened all at the same time(hoping this is pure fiction).
You have a gift!
I really liked this excerpt best
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I watched young lovers, arm in arm, with laughter in their eyes
Giggle to each other over omelettes and fries.
I saw old men in corners, trying hard to be unseen.
Young love in front - old men behind - and I sat in-between.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*
I love your use of extremes, so many times I have felt the same.
~Lori

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


16 posted 06-05-2000 10:57 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

Balladeer: you certainly touched a nerve with this one...thanks for letting me read your feelings here

 ~shadows dance by the light within~

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


17 posted 06-05-2000 11:27 AM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

Balladear,

Your message (not massage!) of how we must first grieve when love ends is told with the razor edge of experience, softened by a kind heart.

What I loved most about this, is the openess.
Sharing a part of you with us, it's a very intimate and bold thing to do. Makes the poem all that much more dear, deer.

Corinne
Poertree
Senior Member
since 11-05-1999
Posts 1413
UK


18 posted 06-05-2000 12:29 PM       View Profile for Poertree   Email Poertree   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poertree

pretty damn good job Mr Deer .... it took me right there .. three quarters way through I suddenly woke up and found I was sitting in my office .. only one or two other poems have ever done that to me ....LOL................... what woke me up, you ask?? (well even if you don't ask I'm still gonna tell ya!!)... twas the last line of this stanza:

quote:
I kept my eyes closed very tight and felt her hands begin.
I was surprised the gentle way her fingers touched my skin.
It had been many months since I had felt another's touch
And hadn't realized that I had missed it so damn much.


something seems wrong with the stresses or the meter and the syllable count is only 13 (either that or it's the language thing again)...

It starts to go wrong with the word "missed" i think the first syllable of which is stressed and immediately follows the stressed "had".  Also there are maybe a few too many "hads" in the last two lines. ........ lol...halfway through this diatribe i just suddenly RE-A-LIZED what the problem might be ... i guess you are pronouncing "realized" as three syllables as opposed to the two REA-LIZED that i use ...... ok it works now .....sorreeeeeee

anyway a compellingly realistic story, anyone would think you'd been there .....

Philip  
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


19 posted 06-05-2000 01:51 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

'Deer, I love it when you come back and thrill us all with a new piece...and accolades notwithstanding, when you write like this, you always make me feel fortunate to be in my own shoes...

one of these days, you'll have to tell me how much of it is truth...and how much of it is fiction...

all in all, you read people quite well.

 Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 09-03-99
Posts 5497
Forever In Your Heart


20 posted 06-05-2000 02:09 PM       View Profile for A Romantic Heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Romantic Heart

Balladeer, dear sweet Balladeer, the pain of yor loneliness throuhout this poem is so heartbreaking. Wanting to be loved and held, touched and needed. I think you are quite a gentlman, and with your poetry you could capture any woman you wanted
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


21 posted 06-05-2000 02:10 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Balladeer,
What can I do, except bow down in deep respect for your splendid writing?

What can I do but to hope that one day in time, I could weave such wonderful stories with the flip of my pen?

What can I do but be silent, and stand stupefied?

What can I do but say, I enjoyed this immensely, the centrepiece was magnificent...


I watched young lovers, arm in arm, with laughter in their eyes
Giggle to each other over omelettes and fries.
I saw old men in corners, trying hard to be unseen.
Young love in front - old men behind - and I sat in-between.

A parade of lonely months went by. The time had come at last
To move along and put away the heartaches of the past.
Although my thoughts were still of you I had to start anew
To put together pieces of a lifetime I once knew.


...........

Regards, sudhir


 Hey you, out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisle,
With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me?
Hey you, don't help them to bury the light.
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you, out there on your own,
Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?
Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home....

by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


22 posted 06-05-2000 04:02 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Wow!!!! I only had a moment to visit... and didn't realize I'd sit here reading and rereading... *S*

It's strange, isn't it... the gentlest touch can leave fingerprints on a heart marking it as "taken"... even when it's been given back.
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


23 posted 06-05-2000 04:08 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

'Deer - yanno - this is another great poem - I know it wasn't an accident that it appears here - you are making me look worse and worse  with all these sweet poems - You are a true scalawag - stealing all these ladies' hearts and making me look uncouth and lowly.  I don't need your help, yanno!  lol
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


24 posted 06-05-2000 04:11 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

You have said a great deal with this one Balladeer....but here's to new beginnings and may we always learn from the past...my glass is raised to your poetic abilities  
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #7 >> Endings and Beginnings   [ Page: 1  2  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors