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Passions in Poetry

My First Poem (reply to Kit's challenge)

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
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0 posted 06-03-2000 04:04 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

A brief explanation:

I had written earlier poetry for school assignments and such, but I don't consider those my first poem BECAUSE it was for a school assignment -- the guidelines and subject matter were set for me. This is the first poem I wrote for myself. I was 13 (so that makes this a decade old). Let's just say, I had some interesting thoughts as a teen-ager.  

Mike

-to die entwined in the dark-
I was watering my lawn
With the hose a green boring snake,
And a flash overtook the sky.
I felt things melt and soot clouded into my eyes.
It was funny, I couldn't stop smiling.
It wasn't funny.


© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 06-03-2000 04:46 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

a whole decade old? that must seem like forever to someone as wise as you *smile*
here I was feeling tired posting ones that were nearly 24 years old.  

well this one shows that mind of yours was already cranking and headed for bigger
thoughts.
I was hoping you would post to this challenge.
later cool-poet-gator
bs/jm



[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 06-03-2000).]
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


2 posted 06-03-2000 05:15 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

That was a pretty cool poem!  Does it mean anything?
bsquirrel
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3 posted 06-03-2000 06:01 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Hey, Butterfly Slippers!  
Yeah, looking back at it, I'm surprised how well it's held together. Now, before I was writing poetry, I was writing short stories and I used to compose parody songs with a friend all the time, so that's why the poem probably doesn't look as amateurish as it actually is.

frac,
I wrote this poem after reading Hiroshima in school. I forget who it's by. But I imagined an a-bomb going off just over the horizon, and obliterating much of America. How cheerful.   The last two lines, about how I smiled though it wasn't funny, is basically because people's heads are melted into skulls, and skulls ALWAYS look they're having a good time -- always smiling. Like I said, bizarre teen-age thoughts.

Mike
Kit McCallum
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since 04-30-2000
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Ontario, Canada


4 posted 06-03-2000 07:38 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Wow!  This was some pretty deep material for a first poem bsquirrel.  Well done!  I found myself reading it a few times. I don't think I want to go water the grass now!  

Great post to the "first poem challenge" ... thanks for sharing this with us!

Best wishes,
/Kit
bsquirrel
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5 posted 06-03-2000 10:56 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Hi, Kit. Glad you enjoyed -- and watch out with that hose!   One thing I realized: this poem is probably the third draft of the original, which I can no longer find. So it IS my first, but also, I'm sure, much-edited from the original one (which I seem to remember having the lines "Six triangles in a circle: Black on yellow, black on yellow, black on yellow ..."  This version seems a little too polished to me, which, of course, is the problem of never saving your drafts!

Mike
 
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