How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #7 Archive
 Tell me what you think of my poetry.....
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Tell me what you think of my poetry.......please don't be too brutal.

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
prinzezz15_4eva
New Member
since 06-01-2000
[First Post] 7


0 posted 06-01-2000 06:20 PM       View Profile for prinzezz15_4eva   Email prinzezz15_4eva   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for prinzezz15_4eva

Untitled
By: Ashley E.

We shared a glance here and there,
my own slice of heaven that,
was never really mine.
You'd look at me,
but you'd never really see me
I was just there.
I wanted to be so much more,
I wanted to be to you what you were to me...
Everything.
I wanted to be your heart, your soul,
and your life long companion.
You were so close to me,
but then you were as distant
as the stars that hang above.
Just to touch your hands,
to kiss your lips,
to be yours, that was my dream,
and then it was your nightmare.
To stare into your eyes,
and for you to stare back
and see what I see...
The most beautiful creature in the universe.

© Copyright 2000 prinzezz15_4eva - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


1 posted 06-01-2000 06:25 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

I loved this Prinzezz, beautiful.
Welcome to Passsions.  

 Je t'aime plus qu'hier et moins que demain."
I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow
(unkown)


brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


2 posted 06-01-2000 06:31 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

Welcome to PAssions, a lovely poem.
beautiful.

 ------------------------
"I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Libraries gave us power
Then work came and made us free
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity"
Nicky Wire, A design for Life.

manic street preachers

La Tristesse Durera (Scream to a Sigh)
"Life has been unfaithful And it all promised so so much
I am a relic I am just a petrified cry Wheeled out once a year, a cenotaph souvenir
The applause nails down my silence
La tristesse durera
Scream to a sigh, to a sigh
I see liberals I am just a fashion accessory
People send postcards
And they all hope I'm feeling well I retreat into self-pity, it's so easy Where they patronise my misery
La tristesse durera
Scream to a sigh, to a sigh
I sold my medal
It paid a bill
It sells at market stalls Parades Milan catwalks
The sadness will never go Will never go away
Baby it's here to stay

Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


3 posted 06-01-2000 06:32 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

Longing for someone can be so hard to
deal with at times.
Even to a point of taking over ones life.
I've been there and know how you feel.
Your feelings were well expressed Ashley.
Welcome to the Passions family  

~Sheri~



[This message has been edited by Irie (edited 06-01-2000).]
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


4 posted 06-01-2000 06:37 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Prinzezz!
Welcome to Paschenzzz! (Just a little humor)
A lovely, lovely poem

"My own slice of heaven
That was really never mine"

I once had my own slice, too, so this really hit home, and so did the rest of this poem
A wonderful poem. Look forward to more
Lizzz
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 03-16-2000
Posts 5900
Lansing, MI USA


5 posted 06-01-2000 06:40 PM       View Profile for Lone Wolf   Email Lone Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lone Wolf

Ashley,

Great poem.  You seem to be off to a good start here.  The only suggestion I would offer would be to try to complete the phrase before ending your lines so that the flow is a little smoother.  I like the form you used.

Welcome to Passions!!  Looking forward to more of your work.  

Lone Wolf


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


6 posted 06-01-2000 06:42 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Ashley, this is a good first post! Welcome to the family. Please check your email for a special welcome.  
lorilockheart
Member
since 05-06-2000
Posts 206
Alabama


7 posted 06-01-2000 07:18 PM       View Profile for lorilockheart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lorilockheart

Ashley,
You don't know how you've touched me with this.  You have definitely spoken to my heart.  I've had a very similar situation myself.  Great first post.  Welcome.  I look forward to seeing more.

Lori

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance.
song by LeeAnn Womack
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lorraine Nisbet
Member
since 05-18-2000
Posts 221
Jersey City, NJ USA


8 posted 06-01-2000 07:18 PM       View Profile for Lorraine Nisbet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lorraine Nisbet



Ashley,

Lovely...lovely
Welcome to Passions!

~Lorraine

 
A great poet is nothing more....than a discovered amateur

Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


9 posted 06-01-2000 07:48 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

ok, I have to be brutally honest. Its too, good, its too sweet, its too heartfelt, its too bad I didn't have you looking into my eyes and thinking this.....

Parker
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


10 posted 06-02-2000 08:55 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Ashley

We shared a glance here and there,
my own slice of heaven that,
was never really mine.

Now, those are killer lines - that is the right way to start a poem!  You hit it so well - alas, now you have a lot to live up to (I think you will, too).

psst - watch out for Parker - I suspect he's a devil...  lol.  And do not be led astray by the ever-wily Balladeer - he's so very suhmooth (not like me, I'm an angel.. err, that didn't come out right, did it?)

Great poem - and welcome to the Forums - BTW - this is one of the most supportive sites you will ever grace - there are so many wonderful people in here - and the talent!  It is often almost overwhelming how many really fine works are published in here - I can tell that you are going to be another of our laureates.  Welcome aboard, lil Lassie.

[This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (edited 06-02-2000).]
amazon_lover
Member
since 04-09-2000
Posts 491
Dublin,Ireland


11 posted 06-02-2000 11:03 AM       View Profile for amazon_lover   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for amazon_lover

Hi Princess,
I can relate to it. I believe that " True love can't be hidden when it exists also it'll never show up if it wasn't there at all " .Just find out. But I believe there is someone for you out there who may find you.
((((((hugs)))))))
A_L
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


12 posted 06-02-2000 11:11 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Ashley, what a way to enter Passions...with a big hit!  Make sure you take the opportunities to visit the other forums as well...I feel you could add a lot to each and every one of them!  Welcome aboard!

 Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


13 posted 06-02-2000 04:05 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Welcome to Passions Ashley!!  This is filled with your heart, a tender wish and expressed with grace.  Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to many more.
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


14 posted 06-02-2000 04:26 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

Well, I enjoyed it.   Very heartfelt, and the ending was awesome.   Welcome to the Passions Family.  Don't worry, we're not brutal around here.  

 Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau"


Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


15 posted 06-02-2000 05:31 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

Ashley

welcome to Passions! This was an excellent first post...heck it was excellent period  . you penned my heart in this one girl. i hope this person wakes up and realizes what they have standing in front of them...true love is such a rare gift. amazing how many people slap it down when its right there. i wish you lots of luck hon and hope you get your heart's desire!
amy  

 "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."


Theme of the Week
07/02/99

Fate....And Making It Happen

"Fate exists but it can only take you so far,
Because once you're there
It's up to you to make it happen."


Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553


16 posted 06-02-2000 08:22 PM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose

it was honest and heartfelt, I would love to see a little more imagery but then that's just "me" it was lovely

and welcome!!

 Kathleen
indy31_99@yahoo.com

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


17 posted 06-02-2000 08:39 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Welcome to Passions, Ashley! Your poem is a great expression ofyour heart!

Denise
Lone Ranger
Member
since 04-16-2000
Posts 92
Salvador , Bahia , Brazil


18 posted 06-02-2000 10:12 PM       View Profile for Lone Ranger   Email Lone Ranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lone Ranger

WOW!!!
I don't think that there can be any poem that I relate to , more than this one...
excellent please want to see more from you
you got yourself your first fan!

 "Only in the dreams , is that man can truly be free
It was always thus and always thus will be"
Prof. Keating
Dead Poets Society
Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


19 posted 06-03-2000 02:24 AM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

Welcome to Passions.  What a tender piece.  
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #7 >> Tell me what you think of my poetry..... Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors