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Mike
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


0 posted 05-31-2000 03:50 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Mike

Was Monday morning, a quarter to four,
I lay in bed fidgeting, couldn't sleep any more,
I said what the heck, I might as well see,
What's going on, down at A & P.

Pulled on my slippers, as walked out the door,
Yelled back to my wife, I'll be down at the store,
I always had thought, a woman of class,
Now why would she call me, an ignorant asp?

I got in my Chevy, drove off in the dark,
Down to the grocery store, where Chevy did park,
The lot was near empty, not a soul was in sight,
As I entered front door, beneath neon light.

In glow of store's sign, I saw my legs bare,
Where were my pants?  Back home on the chair,
Oh, what the heck, I needn't go after,
When off to the right, I heard clerk's shrill laughter.

Please, give me a break, you've seen legs before,
I said to the clerk, at front of the store,
She answered right back, in shameless delight,
But never I've seen, legs so hairless and white.

I walked off in a huff, pushing my cart,
Back to the bakery, that's where I'd start,
A chocolate eclair, with creamy sweet filling,
Then thoughts of my dentist, the teeth he'd be filling.

Off to the produce, I'd find a ripe apple,
When off in the distance, beside the grape Snapple,
I spied a strange man, a raincoat he wore,
And when he saw me, he ranted and swore.

He started towards me, his raincoat not closed,
Oh my dear God, his thing was exposed,
He yelled as he neared, get out of my store,
There's room for one flasher, not one pervert more.

I turned tail and ran, lickety-split down aisle three,
My snow white legs churning, as fast as could be,
Out the front door, by still laughing clerk,
On past the paperboy, on way to day's work.

Roared down the street, til safely in bed,
When pulled up the covers, my wife turned and said,
If you were dear husband, you'd go get for me,
A fresh chocolate doughnut, down at A & P.

Saturday Night at the A & P

It's three a.m. on a Saturday night,
Just a couple of hours, til dawn's first light,
I feel her warm body, close next to mine,
Caress her lithe body, taste lips of wine.

Give me my pillow, you lechorous fool,
What's that on your mouth? It looks like some drool,
I really do think, that soon you'll be die'in,
If you don't stop muttering, I love you Meg Ryan.

Get your butt out of bed, get to the store,
Let's see you tail end, head right out the door,
And bring back some milk, so when kid's awake,
Of Fruit Loops and Wheaties, they can partake.

I get in the car, and head down the street,
I'm still half asleep, and in stocking feet,
I get to the store, head down the first aisle,
Wishing was home, in my warm domicile.

Then by the produce, I happen to spy,
A beautiful goddess, thought I would cry,
O' what a vision, a Helen of Troy,
O' my dear God! I think it's a boy!

Scurrying past, I walk by the bread,
There's an old wino, I hope he's not dead,
Then by the pastries, chocolate delights,
Mother of Mary, two hermaphrodites.

Running by now, smack into a cart,
Pushed by young boy, Cowabunga, it's Bart,
I land on his twinkies, let out a scream,
For there goes Herb Alpert, buying whipped cream.

I get to my feet, take off in a run,
Whiz right by Elvis, seranading a nun,
Price check on three, I hear from above,
As dead ahead, there stands Courtney Love.

Then at the milk, grab a gallon or two,
I really do need, to get out of this zoo,
Head for the checkout, and then out the door,
Once in the car, gas pedal I floor.

I get to the house, the milk's put away,
I head back to bed, and what can I say,
I snuggle up cozy, then in my head,
Sweet dreams of Meg Ryan, all snug in my bed.




[This message has been edited by Mike (edited 05-31-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Mike - All Rights Reserved
Jana Tovey
Member
since 05-30-2000
Posts 257
USA


1 posted 05-31-2000 04:14 PM       View Profile for Jana Tovey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jana Tovey

This is hilarious...I loved it!
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


2 posted 05-31-2000 05:34 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Mike, You got me rolling in the isles with this one...very funny!!!
Mike
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


3 posted 05-31-2000 09:48 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

Jana and Martie...  glad you enjoyed.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


4 posted 05-31-2000 10:05 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Oh! One of my all time favorites from you!!! Gotta love this!      
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 03-16-2000
Posts 5900
Lansing, MI USA


5 posted 05-31-2000 10:12 PM       View Profile for Lone Wolf   Email Lone Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lone Wolf

Mike,

Loved this!!  Nice job of turning shopping into fun and not a chore.  Needed a laugh today!!  

LW


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


6 posted 05-31-2000 10:17 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry


Mike* I love the way you think.......lol this is great!!!!
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


7 posted 05-31-2000 10:22 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Grocery shopping shall never be the same... I'll be going in the middle of the night from now on...
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


8 posted 05-31-2000 10:42 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I can see it now...A collection of A&P poems!! Delightful, Mike!! I enjoyed 'Saturday Night At The A&P' just as much this time around and I also enjoyed the 'Return', as well!! Keep 'em comin'! Can't wait to see the next one! Thanks for the laughs!

Denise
 
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