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Passions in Poetry

Kit's Challenge for first Poetry . De-evolved

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brian madden
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since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


0 posted 05-31-2000 02:24 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for brian madden

In a few clean ups I dumped alot of my first poetry, though i don't really class it as poetry as I had yet to find my voice, they were just experiments. I think I was 16 when I wrote this. I wrote it in one sitting. When I read it I knew I had a poem that said something, a poem with a message. here it is, De-Evolved.
=====================================
De-Evolved

We were of a sickly kind;
the kind that liked to hide in shells and boxes,
away from all the chaos and adversities of the open mind.
We drew the blankets down about our heads
and hugged tight beneath the humid night.

We knew not what innocence drove us to create.
We buried our heads in sand, safe, soft, soothing
and slept away the storm.
Upon awaking, drawn out into the light,
we surveyed the land as always.
Only this time stripped off all the growth,
the shrubs, the land; now barren.

Empty is the land, coarse and hardened,
It abrades our feet; pain rings out in our ears.
We stumble onwards through the wasteland we built.
Paradise now lost, at what a petty cost.
We mourn our failure and drown
ourselves in rivers of our fears.


 ------------------------
"Here chewing your tail is joy"

Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Will you accuse me as I hide Behind these layers of disguise And the mirrors of my own happiness.I've loved the freedom of being inside
Need a new start and a different time
Something grows in the space between me
And it's twisting and changing this fragile body" -Nicky Wire


© Copyright 2000 brian madden - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 05-31-2000 02:40 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

This is great! Amazing that you wrote this so young..it's got a lot of depth.  
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 05-31-2000 05:07 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

yes...amazing indeed...as poet d says...
such depth...Hmmm I wonder who else tells you this LOL
well, you already know I was awed by this one
deep deep..you are,
later wise-gator  
jm
Butterflies_dont_cry
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since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


3 posted 05-31-2000 05:10 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Very deep for one so young Brian, your talent was evident then as it is now, thank you for sharing your work....old and new  
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 05-31-2000 05:39 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Very interesting and well done poem for one so young.
Jana Tovey
Member
since 05-30-2000
Posts 257
USA


5 posted 05-31-2000 05:53 PM       View Profile for Jana Tovey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jana Tovey

Loved the title...it says it all!  The poem is great, also.  This is one of my pet peeves, I guess.  I agree with all you said back then right on up to today.  "Take Paridise, and put up a parking lot..."
Kit McCallum
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since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


6 posted 05-31-2000 07:14 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Oh Brian ... you out-did yourself at 16 for sure!  This was excellent.  It reminded me of that same song Jana mentioned.  Full of depth ... and I love how you said your others were "works in progress" till you finished this one. Wonderful! So glad you continued.

Challenge well-met!!!  

Best wishes,
/Kit
Marina
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since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


7 posted 05-31-2000 09:03 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

Your talent started early my young friend!

Marina
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


8 posted 05-31-2000 09:19 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Funny how it is youth that allows us to write pieces like this before we grow old enough to write about lost loves, our pet cats and butterflies in the garden. Like this one very much........
brian madden
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since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


9 posted 06-01-2000 03:10 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

Poet deVine, thank you for your lovely comment. I was a brooding little teenager,
more concerned with looking into the abyss than where teenage eyes are usually found looking.

Jan, I am learning to mellow out and enjoy life and see the beautiful side of life.
I am becoming more relaxed in my old age. Lol. Thanks for your wonderful response.

Butterflies_dont_cry, aw thanks that means a lot to me. Thanks for your comments  

Martie,  I think I must have been the only teenager concerned with the hypocrisy of mankind.
LOL. thank you for your kind response.

Jana, aw yes. Yellow taxicab was the name of the song, just cannot remember the name of the singer.
I guess the saying   "ignorance is death" inspired me to write the poem. For me the paradise in the poem is the outdated ideals held by a group people being destroyed as the world around they progresses.
Basically we must evolve in order to survive.
Thank your wonderful responses to this poem.

Marina, thanks.  Talent? Well I try but I am just saying what is on my mind. Thank you for your kind words.

Balladeer, I guess our priorities change as time goes on. Thank you for kind words, glad you liked you and thanks for reading it.


 ------------------------
"Here chewing your tail is joy"

Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Will you accuse me as I hide Behind these layers of disguise And the mirrors of my own happiness.I've loved the freedom of being inside
Need a new start and a different time
Something grows in the space between me
And it's twisting and changing this fragile body" -Nicky Wire


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


10 posted 06-07-2000 04:01 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Brian very substantial writing for a sixteen year old...you have lots of talent.   James
 
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