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Open Poetry #7
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-05-27 12:06 PM


emotion trapped
locked inside,
keeping time
to madman's sighs...
Not today--
forget tomorrow--
cries within
this slab of sorrow---
weary, still she fears the horror
(ah to sleep, her last reprieve...)
terrified that she might dream
and shatter night with memory's scream.

But let it take
what it might take--
reveal the art beneath the stone.
He walks on shards
of marble chips
at last to taste
her chiseled lips
angry that her kiss is cold
accusing fate that's his alone--
cursing hands that wrought this stone.

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
1 posted 2000-05-27 11:44 AM


Very powerful serenity. . .

Sometimes, it seems that there's nothing underneath the stone. . . unless you take out that chisel. . . .

Excellent my friend. . .

---------------------------------------------------------

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
2 posted 2000-05-27 01:04 PM


He walks on shards
of marble chips
at last to taste
her chiseled lips
angry that her kiss is cold
accusing fate that's his alone--
cursing hands that wrought this stone


wow powerful stuff serenity, very dark and moody, a great read.


 ------------------------
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? "
Douglas Adams.

"Here chewing your tail is joy"

Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Do not listen to a word I say
Just listen to what I can keep silent"

Nicky Wire


X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
3 posted 2000-05-27 02:14 PM


ooooh I thought this was really neat  
great job!
~H

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
4 posted 2000-05-28 02:03 AM


serenity, the right lips can turn that stone to molten lava.
Very deep poem, loved it.

Parker....... xxxxx

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
5 posted 2000-05-28 05:55 AM


Powerful, it is ...

It takes a scuptor to carve out whats inside a stone...

The coldness of the stone is due to the matter inside, the strangled emtions and the hidden rage, and ...

This is a very interesting read, serenity...
regards, sudhir.

 Life is like a painting,
That in an art gallery is left hanging,
Though many come just to look at it,
A very few actually come to enjoy it.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2000-05-28 07:10 AM


So true, and such a powerfully drawn comparison Serenity ... the shape within a sculpture is created by what the artist has "taken away" in chippings. What is left of "us" when someone chips away too deeply ... you've shown this so well, excellent read and thought-provoking!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Lorraine Nisbet
Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 218
Jersey City, NJ USA
7 posted 2000-05-28 08:30 AM



serenity,

Great read...great job.

~Lorraine

 
A great poet is nothing more....than a discovered amateur


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2000-05-28 12:44 PM


Not today--
forget tomorrow--
cries within
this slab of sorrow---
weary, still she fears the horror
(ah to sleep, her last reprieve...)
terrified that she might dream
and shatter night with memory's scream.
But let it take
what it might take--
reveal the art beneath the stone.
He walks on shards
of marble chips
at last to taste
her chiseled lips
angry that her kiss is cold
accusing fate that's his alone--
cursing hands that wrought this stone.
-------------------

WOW...this is EXCELLENT girl...
very cool and very deep...
amazing imagery
a poet and a sculpter..you are so talented me sweet  
later twin gator
jm


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2000-05-28 12:48 PM


Sven-------thanx Sveetie--"let it take what
           it might take"--hugs m'friend.

brian------thank you, noticed that you're a
           bit of a philosopher yerself...

X Angel----thank you as well and btw, "sub
           rosa" is a favorite motto of mine-
           being "keeper of secrets", y'know?

Parker-----GOOD ANSWER--warmed my heart...

Suhir------much gratitude for your thoughtful
           reply--tho there is much subtlety
           in transformation, yes?

Kit--------thnks to you for understanding

Lorraine---gratitude to you as well for your
           kind attention.

now--thanks to you all again--I'm now off in
search of a grinder--seems I've got this chip on my shoulder--serenity exits grinning.

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