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Jeffrey Carter
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Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!

0 posted 2000-05-26 10:08 PM


Hi everyone, got my comp fixed  

I wrote this poem about eight years ago when alchohol was my only reason for living...soon to post the continuation of this piece

ADDICTION

When I am alone
I think to myself
"How could life  
be so cruel?"
No encouraging words
that come from within
You know, sometimes
I feel like a fool

I go through each day
pretending to be
as content as
the fish in the sea
'Cause you have
a hold on my soul
Can't get through one
day without you, ya' know

I never intended to be
imprisoned by shame
but that I am, knowing
I'm the one to blame
Caught in your grasp
so darkened with gloom
feeling so lonely
in this crowded room

****************

To be continued......
< !signature-->

 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep




[This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 05-27-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
1 posted 2000-05-26 11:04 PM


Great lines here, jeffrey

"I never intended to be
imprisoned by shame"

you've painted quite a picture

these lines, too, really got me

"feeling so lonely
in this crowded room"

thanks for the read

Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
2 posted 2000-05-26 11:39 PM


i am feeling the power of this one.  I can see that when this continues there is going to be some true words and feelings coming forth.  Thank you for sharing this most difficult stage of your life.  thank God.....he had other plans for you!

Marina

Jeffrey Carter
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Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
3 posted 2000-05-26 11:41 PM


Thanks Doreen,
This is a very personal piece of my heart that came out during a very dark period in my life.....Glad to say those days are over 6 years behind me  

Marina,
Thank God indeed, if not for the prayers of my family and friends I probably wouldn't be around today
< !signature-->

 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep




[This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 05-26-2000).]

Rosebud1229
Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813
North Carolina
4 posted 2000-05-27 12:01 PM


Jeffrey thank you for sharing, It is only with Gods help that we do finally realize such turmoil we put ourselves through. Lovely poem, look forward to continuation.
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 2000-05-27 12:06 PM


Jeffrey,

Know that you are NEVER alone, my friend!!  Always here for you.  I am glad this was a past thing and that things are much better for you now.  Great writing, m'friend!!! Can't wait to read the rest...


LW


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
6 posted 2000-05-27 05:44 AM


Jeffrey~
This is very well written and expressed.
Funny how in a room full of poeple we can still feel so terribly alone, a very frightening thing.
I wish you well Jeffrey
Tracie~


 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe



brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
7 posted 2000-05-27 06:34 AM


We have our little pleasures to get us through the hard times, but sometimes we become too dependent on them. I am glad that you have found another reason to live besides alcohol. A wonderful poem.

 ------------------------
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? "
Douglas Adams.

"Here chewing your tail is joy"

Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto



Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
8 posted 2000-05-27 09:00 AM


Alcohol - or addictions of any kind take such a toll on the soul, don't they?.. You've expressed those lost feelings well, my friend..
Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
9 posted 2000-05-27 08:07 PM


Rosebud, Oh how true these words you speak are ....thank you

Lone Wolf, thank you for being such a loyal friend to me, very rare to find these days  

Tracie, Yes, it is truly frightening...a feeling I know far too well

Brian. Dependency happens far too often, and thank you

Nan, If I knew then what I know now....

Thank you everyone for responding and being so understanding of the situation of this part of my life, writing was a big part of how I made it through it.

Just posted the continuation of this piece, but it is also to be continued....lol



 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep



epoet
Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa
10 posted 2000-05-27 08:29 PM


powerful piece on such a true topic.  More and more people are realizing just how addicting alcohol can be.  well done and congrats on realizing that there is more to life.

 P. J. Kotrch
carpe diem
A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love


mark crawford
Junior Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 11

11 posted 2000-05-27 09:35 PM


Jeffrey,

I like this poem because it is a testament of your courage to face the shame that was within you, which is only taking responsibility for your wrongs, something everyone must do. Are you familiar with Robert Bly? He thinks that in order for men to grow they must face their shame and begin to address it. Thank goodness that you found a way to creatively express the pain within; it's the only way to let it go. Please keep sharing.

Mark


Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

12 posted 2000-05-27 09:41 PM


I'm not ashamed to admit I've been there. It takes courage to write about it. God bless you

 Kathleen
indy31_99@yahoo.com


netswan
Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369
Washington
13 posted 2000-05-28 12:15 PM


Hi Jeffrey, Welcome Back!  I wanted to post
on this yesterday but was having trouble
with this place letting me post.  hahah
maybe I was banned.  Just kidding.

Great Poem, Well written and wonderful
subject material.

~netswan

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
14 posted 2000-05-28 05:08 AM


I never intended to be
imprisoned by shame
but that I am, knowing
I'm the one to blame
Caught in your grasp
so darkened with gloom
feeling so lonely
in this crowded room

.........

Hey Jeffery,
great poem, I understand the felings here to the very last word...and may I add, it doesn't even take addiction to feel lonely in a crowded room... but you no longer have to feel that way. Step into the brightness of this family....

Regards,
Sudhir...

btw, the 63hrs has stopped dead on its track, had been meddling about with my stupid, unreasonble work, schedules... but am confident that it will be revived pretty soon...

 Life is like a painting,
That in an art gallery is left hanging,
Though many come just to look at it,
A very few actually come to enjoy it.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
15 posted 2000-05-28 09:06 AM


I believe I'm backwards, as I found your Part 2 before Part 1!  

Writing is such a wonderful outlet Jeffrey, it simply seems to cleanse the soul I find, and you do so beautifully ...

Best wishes,
/Kit

Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
16 posted 2000-05-29 01:38 PM


Hi Jeffrey,

Wonderful heart felt piece here my friend and am glad to see this is behind you.

Love ,  Cerenity

TerryW
Senior Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 779
Louisville, Mississippi, USA
17 posted 2000-05-29 01:42 PM


Jeffrey~
     You have some very powerful words here, my friend.  I haven't been through it personally, but I have some very dear friends who have, and I know how it rips you apart inside.  I am glad that you are here with us, and you know that you  have true friends now.  We will always be here for you!



Love Ya~


 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

18 posted 2000-05-30 10:28 AM


~Jeffrey Carter,..glad I spotted this.  Thank you for the courage to post this wonderful piece.  I am glad to know it was written eight years ago and that you have found the strength. This is powerful work.

I go through each day
pretending to be
as content as
the fish in the sea...

*I too have done this,..in a way I still do.  I am burning at times on the inside but I pretend that all is well.  I pretend that I am so strong and can handle all and smile when it hurts. Not sure why but it happens.  Ok I'll shut up now....going to go look for the continuation. Take care. Thanks again. *Peace.

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