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Passions in Poetry

Our Sunday Clothes

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 05-25-2000 04:18 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

I thought and it made me human.
I felt and it made me cry.
I saw and my heart ached.
Now I know that we are not perfect.
It has been said that nothing is.
But I have touched you with eyes as pure
as any childís could ever be.
I held you in a tight, comforting hold
but it was short and only in my mind.
We screamed when we were born,
and cry when we die.
Seems we are never quite happy
to be where we are.
But I am happy to be here. However Iíd die to be there.
I ran my hand down your face,
it's cold, not at all like I remember.
Your skin's kind of pale, it
doesnít have that glow it once radiated.
Still...
you looked very nice, lying there in your Sunday dress.
They did a great job with your make up.
I tried to speak but meaningless words came tumbling out.
Your name permanently etched into my soul.
I miss you and it makes my sad.
I long to be with you. There
seems so little left for me here. Iím tired.
Baby, I'm coming for you.
I feel no more.
I think no less.
I hold you tight.
I looked so nice lying there
in my Sunday suit.



†There is something inside me
and I know it's good,
but understanding is misunderstood.
  





[This message has been edited by Effigy (edited 05-25-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


1 posted 05-25-2000 04:32 PM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

-Effigy - sweet poem of love
and one of life's biggest tragedies

~netswan
Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


2 posted 05-25-2000 07:00 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Effigy

Thank you, but it is not intended as a tragedy.  
Boovoltz
New Member
since 04-19-2000
Posts 8


3 posted 05-26-2000 11:26 AM       View Profile for Boovoltz   Email Boovoltz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Boovoltz

How sad. It is amazing how stronge the bonds of love can be. You did a great job with this one.

take care.
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


4 posted 05-26-2000 11:29 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Very thought-provoking Effigy, wonderful verse ...

Best wishes,
/Kit McCallum
forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


5 posted 04-16-2004 12:09 AM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

rhythm rhythm rhythm rhythm. The poem lacks rhythm. What makes free verse poetry and not prose is rhythm. It's a good poem, if a little dark and sappy, but the rhythm is terrible. Break it up into stanzas, put some spacing elements into it. Emphasize your pauses some. *sigh* Okay. That done. The poem is a little sappy, and a little dark, but it does one thing VERY WELL--it's not until about halfway through the poem that you figure out the woman is dead. It's a very shocking moment and that comes through BEAUTIFULLY.
 
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