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Passions in Poetry

lonely now (an experiment)

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Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


0 posted 05-23-2000 02:24 AM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo

lonely now


We used to spend the day in bed;
rub our feet together 'cause the blanket was too short.
let the phone ring; shut the door on the world.
you know,
i'd never had no reasons before
to ever doubt the look in your eye.
And now it's clear to both of us:
A wishing well for broken dreams
and if you make a wish,
you can hear the screams.

You said that it's over.
But we both know better.
You said that i don't love you.
But you don't remember...

you don't feel nothing.

We used to sneak in through your backgate
Hoping your parents wouldn't hear us.
We could stay up all night.
I can still hear you laugh...
Now it's a god-awful sound.
Oh, please remember...

You said that it's over.
But we both know better.
You said that i don't love you.
But you don't remember...

you don't feel nothing.
and i'm lonely now.



 We all got somethin' we need to atone for.


[This message has been edited by Ethan_Halo (edited 05-23-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Ethan Halo - All Rights Reserved
Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


1 posted 05-23-2000 02:25 AM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo


*this is my experiment to have free verse stanzas and a rhyming chorus. it's not all the way done, but tell me what you think.*
netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


2 posted 05-23-2000 05:21 AM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

Ethan
This poem has a potential of being a gentle,
painful poem of love lost  and maybe
regained?  

We used to spend the day in bed
rubbing our feet together
that blanket was too short, remember?

we'd shut the door on the world
and let the telephone ring
you know,
I never had any reasons before
to ever doubt the look in your eye
And now it's clear to both of us


You could put the poem in Critical Analysis
and get some sound advice. I am not comfortable with this in open forum.

But, he who asks, should receive --)

~netswan



[This message has been edited by netswan (edited 05-23-2000).]
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