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~*Unloved Senryu*~ (I Need Opinions)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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~*Unloved Senryu*~ (I Need Opinions) |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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*Please tell me which one is better or which one you prefer, thanks  ~*UNLOVED SENRYU*~ 5-7-5 1) A lonely heart weeps no one listens to her plea alone, so unloved 2) a lonely soul weeps only emptiness surrounds alone, so unloved By Melissa Honeybee |
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| © Copyright 2000 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Both of these evoke that feeling of despair that only the lonely know..but I personally enjoyed the second one better. Both of them are extremely well done though!  *Krista Knutson* ~We are only truly lost when we have lost ourselves~ |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Both are quite good indeed, but I have to agree with Alwye and say that the second one reads better. . . Excellent... ----------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Melissa~ Both speak of sadness Emitted on sorrow's sigh Alone, she does cry *Hon, the second is the better of the two you wrote. You touch my heart with your tears. Please know that I'm here for you. Love you~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
They are both wonderful, Melissa. I prefer the second as it seems to encompass any type of loneliness, not just 'no one listening'. Denise |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Hi Melissa, well I have to agree with everyone that I prefer the second one, both are powerful pieces filled with sadness. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Thanks everyone for replying and helping me make my decision on which one to keep as the final senryu Take care, Melissa Honeybee |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
the second !! Kathleen indy31_99@yahoo.com |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Hey..I liked the first one...but I admit I know nothing about senyru's...I just like the way it sounds when you read it and the emotions it stirs up. James |
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