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 on the other side of the cover
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Passions in Poetry

on the other side of the cover

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7
Member
since 04-26-2000
Posts 118
Amherst, MA, USA


0 posted 05-20-2000 01:22 PM       View Profile for 7   Email 7   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for 7

i wrote this about my friend who ran away and my upsetting lack of emotion on the subject. i would love to hear your thoughts on the format; i feel that the enjambment speeds the reading, so it feels like it's all said in one breath, but with rhymes in such random places i've been told it can be hard to get the rhythm. thank you!  7


a sunny day on the lawn I
learn she is gone I
see them before me they
can't carry on

but to me it's a story
thin paper with black ink on
the back of the front page
behind the rage

the wall doesn't crack for
I don't throw my stones
they miss her alone they
feel (abandoned, guilty, lonely)
but to me it's not real
no, too real

for when the world's only
place for my heart is
apart from the news in
the red-white-'n-blue's
cover story only facts remain
in the light of the sun

until one day the pain
turns page A-one

(over-->)

© Copyright 2000 Paula - All Rights Reserved
brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


1 posted 05-20-2000 05:30 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

It is amazing how things on the paper seem somewhat surreal, or just pieces of information, facts and figures...like five people died in a car accident. There is no emotion in the words. anyway I am rambling here, really enjoyed your poem.
the last three lines are really effective.

until one day the pain
turns page A-one

(over-->)


CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 3084


2 posted 05-20-2000 05:36 PM       View Profile for CocoBaci   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CocoBaci

I really like this one you write
The format, style & emotions expressed ..
It's great!
CocoBaci
 
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