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Passions in Poetry

Sleeping alone

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Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


0 posted 05-17-2000 11:16 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

**This was written as a song (my first attempt at songwriting).  I don't know anything about writing songs, so any/all feedback will be greatly appreciated.  I'm also not sure on the title. "Sleeping alone" is my working title.  I'm also considering "Why am I alone?" **

You say a day doesnít pass
Without me in your thoughts
But baby, youíve got heró
And whatíve I got?

My arms are empty
When I lie here in bed
Tossing and turningó
Youíre holding her instead.

Why must the nights be so long?
Baby, what am I doing wrong?
To be the one sleeping alone

How much longer must I wait
Til youíre mine again?
Will we have a chance at being lovers
Or are we doomed to being friends?

What will it take
For my love to reach you?
When will you admit
That you feel it too?

Why must the nights be so long?
Baby, what am I doing wrong?
To be the one sleeping alone

Time keeps on slipping away,
Itís another thought with me in it
I hear the ticking of the clock,
Count the passing of the minutes

These moments, forever lost
Never to be regained
Honey, just tell me
Am I alone in my pain?

Why must the nights be so long?
Baby, what am I doing wrong?
To be the one sleeping alone

Baby, why am I alone?

© Copyright 2000 Tara Simms - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 05-17-2000 11:38 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I know absolutely nothing about writing songs but I like this! For a title how about "Why Must The Nights Be So Long?" ? This is great, I can almost hear the music!  

Denise
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


2 posted 05-17-2000 11:50 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Because ya donít know me
Baby, baby please
Iím just stuck in this tree
Watching you all night
Baby, watching you cry tonight..

Because ya donít know me
Baby, baby please
Just give me some time tonight
Open your window wide,
Baby, I saw you cry tonight..

Your doing nothing wrong,
Oh, baby
He donít deserve your song
Oh, honey
Because you donít know me
Because you donít know me

Baby, Iím stuck in this tree
TonightÖ
Watching you all nightÖ.
Oh, baby


Parker.... well I have no real input, I'm not a very good song writer, but this reply came to mind. I like your song, keep working on it.

[This message has been edited by Haleyja (edited 05-18-2000).]
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


3 posted 05-18-2000 12:40 AM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Lol@Parker.  So this is how to catch your eye, huh?  I just have to sing out of tune for a bit and now I've got you stalking me in that darn tree!

Denise, thank you.  I'm hearing a soft, slow country ballad a la Trisha Yearwood.  )


 It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley


Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


4 posted 05-18-2000 12:54 AM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

As a poem I really like it
But I would need to here it put to music to give an honest opinion to it as a song
It appears to me that the 'meter' does not repeat ( depending on the music ... this could be good )

Rex
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


5 posted 05-18-2000 12:57 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Me too, Tara! Trisha is great, isn't she?!

Denise
wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


6 posted 05-18-2000 01:00 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

i like it yuh it flows well and thats important to a song yuh but please i love cauterwauling o yuh!
Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


7 posted 05-18-2000 01:08 AM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo

i wonder about what music you throw this onto.... i like it alot. it reminds me of one of my songs i wrote that doesn't have any notes. maybe one day i'll learn to read/write music... but it's good and from the heart. i dig it. lookin forward to hearin more from ya.

 We all got somethin' we need to atone for.

netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


8 posted 05-18-2000 04:08 AM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

Tara this is a great poem.  The only
way I can put this to the guitar
and sing it, would be to put a country
western twang to it and add syllables


You say a day won't pass
Without me in your thoughts
But baby, youíve got heró
And whatíve I got __t?

My arms are empty
When I lie here in my bed
Tossing and turningó
Cuz, Youíre holding her instead.

NOW the Chorus can be different
than the regular music

So by adding ong to the end of long
this turns into an 8 syllable chorus
EASY to write  4  and 8 beats.

Why must the nights be so long -ong?
Baby, what am I doing wrong?
To be the one sleeping alone

Give you some ideas -- great words --
keep trying --

One way to learn to write songs really
fast is take a song you like and change
the words - making them fit to the song
you like and see what happens --)

netswan


Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


9 posted 05-18-2000 04:46 PM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

I like the title, and i like the title suggested by dsnyder.  You may have a Grammy here.  And the winner is..........
~~nice writing~~
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


10 posted 05-18-2000 07:38 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Denise, yes, Trisha is a favorite of mine.
Walt and Danny, thanks.
Rex and Ethan, I dont' know how to write music but I have a friend who does.  I'm going to see if he can set this to music and see how it sounds.
Netswan, thanks for the feedback on it.  I figured if/when it's actually a song (complete with music), the singer (not me, I "caterwaul") would embellish with the drawn out syllables.
Marina
Member Elite
since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


11 posted 05-18-2000 08:36 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

I think it is a great start Tara!

Marina
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