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Open Poetry #7
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~ Sleeping Beauty's Angel ~
| Open Poetry #7 |
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~ Sleeping Beauty's Angel ~ |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas 
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~ Sleeping Beauty's Angel ~ Her long hair spilling all around her eyes closed, deepest sleep... She breathes in softly, fragrant whispers promises he'll keep... She lays there in the moonlight shadows dancing on her face... The trees outside sway, lulling her and sadness has no place. She dreams of laughter, ringing sweet she smiles in her sleep... She sees his eyes so full of passion eyes that never weep. She holds her pillow tight to her while dreaming of his touch... Never has she wanted someone in her life this much... Laying there in moonlight dreaming of this man so true... All the while he's sitting there beside her, in full view. He watches as she sleeps there and he strokes her silken hair... He breathes her in and longs to kiss her, though he doesn't dare. She is his sleeping beauty He's her angel - steadfast, strong He'll stay beside her through the night It's there, he does belong. He'll stay here, watch and keep her safe from all of darkest night... She'll never know that he was there he'll slip out with dawn's light... Her long hair spilling all around them eyes closed, in his care... While dreaming of him all the while, his presence unaware... She prayed before she fell asleep to have an angel by her side... And asked the Lord her soul to keep Alas, in sleep, she died. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Gennifer David - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
kissy kissy yuh mush i say...nonono i like this yuh the end so sad |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Lovely poem...sigh..sure wish it had a happy ending though..but then, life doesn't so why should poetry? Anyway, you've really written some great poems lately, Gen. It's good to see that.  |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Gen, this is wonderful. . . but I want a HAPPY ending. . . deVine. . . life can have happy endings too. . . if we believe. . . Great poem Gen. . . --------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
I don't know...this one was weird for me. When I started writing, I wanted the reader to see her sleeping, and then see him there beside her, watching over her. Actually, as I was typing it here, I added the last couple of stanzas, and decided out of the blue, to have her die. I know...morbid me. But I felt a kind of peace, her dying so happily in her sleep, with him there beside her. She did pray for an angel after all....and he was there for her, like she asked. I dunno...I may rewrite the whole thing. I'm not real happy with the flow of it. Just seemed like it didn't flow well.....*sigh* (sticking tongue out in dislike!) |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
pFF..... This is so beautiful. I found my self thinking, "Oh how I wish this were me"...Then I read the ending. So sad....I'm glad it wasn't me. But if I were to die, I would hope that I would be this lucky. Does any of this make sense? LOL Anyway, wonderful poem! ~Sheri |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh Gen, this is so lovely and the ending so very sad. Nicely written  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
DONT STICK YOUR TOUNGUE OUT AT ME UNLESS YOU INTEND TO USE IT! LOL Gen this poem is gorgeous dont rewrite it too much... sure a happy ening is always nice BUT this one was lovely as you described it. another on that needs to be put in my coloring book  great writing here. later gen-gator. jm ps..now about that toungue... bring it and come over to adult and play with me and Danny... he's driving over in his TONKA to pick us up!!LOL...you'll see when ya get there. (hehe)  |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
pFF, enjoyed your peom, but hate sad endings. "safe from all darkest night" that angel should take better care i think. ~~nice writing~~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Now why did you have to go and die on that angel before he could get his last kiss? If only he could have arrived in your life a little sooner. James |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
My Lady you remember me The poem is beautiful, sad and well done by thee The end I have to say so sad Made me almost somewhat mad But knowing that this death must have been The nicest one I ever seen I forgive, what else can I do As to take off my hat and "thank you" too. Loved this one You're special My Lady< !signature--> The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. [This message has been edited by HelmutB (edited 05-17-2000).] |
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WhiteNite Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241Montgomery, AL |
I have to agree with Jan, don't change it much. I like it the way it is. Her dying was unexpected, but I wouldn't call it a bad ending. Good read. =) "Don't let your character get camoflaged with your environment. Find who you are and let it stay in its true colors." --Rachel Joy Scott |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Gen, very nice, and the death was a sad touch, but if you do any rewrite, do like James suggested, maybe a last kiss. I like last kisses before death, it doen't seem so alone....... Now also about that tongue, Janet seems interested, just put me down for one video. Just for educational purposes, ya know. |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Gen, Beautifully crafted....Like a "realistic" fairy tale. I think the ending would be perfect if you add one last kiss as well All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
Dear Gen, well i liked it, but we all know how much of depressed fellow i am.... =) it was good. i was thinking chipper and ceery, and it's hard for me to read chipper and cheery because i can't really relate, but then... i liked the prayer part. he was right there. he could've been a hero, she musta had a premonition, he'll never know, he'll always kick himself, she'll never know.... in case you can't tell, i liked the open ending. =) it leaves me hangin, but i can speculate. i dig it. good stuff, as always. We all got somethin' we need to atone for. |
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RSEvans Senior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 1147Tulsa, OK, USA |
and I'm the one with a dark side? Loved this. At last some death in all that mush you've been oozing lately, not that I haven't loved it...just I know most of what you are capable of. Wisdom. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Ms. Poet Femme, I think it is beautiful just the way it is. Wonderful writing... ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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