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Passions in Poetry

live for

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 05-13-2000 09:17 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

Lying on my back in SFV heat,
Sun thin bright lines through the blinds
and I see.

Plastic swaths in place of the world
As I lie here in bed.

TV screen blank; computer screen lit.
Writing more poetry to forget about it.
Now "it" can be any word that you want to put in its place.

Whether it be clutching a broom in some Woodland Hills office
Or doing data entry somewhere in Glendale
Or out in West Covina forgetting yourself
Or right where I am lying back on bed.

Ceiling speckled
With drywall that never fell all the way to earth.
Arms a slight ache,
But my head's not doing worse.

Room and view so empty.
Yet still so full I could swoon.

As I lie here on the bed unable to move,

I know that I still have a lot to lose.
Little flower closed and alone in the starlight.

Petals like velvet lips in midnight.

Slant of light thrown from the window
softly against the grass.

Oh, there is plenty to live for

even as we're being lashed.

© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


1 posted 05-13-2000 09:21 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~Nicely done...this poem took me right in.  
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 05-13-2000 09:26 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Hey stranger!  hard not to like what you write as you know I love your style...and how oddly hopeful this piece is... e you soon.  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 05-13-2000 10:10 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

TV screen blank; computer screen lit.
Writing more poetry to forget about it.
Now "it" can be any word that you want to put in its place.
-------------
As I lie here on the bed unable to move,

I know that I still have a lot to lose.
Little flower closed and alone in the starlight.

Petals like velvet lips in midnight.

Slant of light thrown from the window
softly against the grass.

Oh, there is plenty to live for

even as we're being lashed.
----------------

hey you...
are ya trying to confuse me...what are you doing posting already...its not AM yet  
all can say about this little gem is...
*SMILE*
and yes...
love ya when your hopeful.
but then I always see that in your work...
even if I have to read between the lines sometimes. *smile*
thanks again for being my editor..
or should I say mentor.
Its posted over in prose now for further critique.
later cool squirrel
jm/bs
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


4 posted 05-13-2000 10:30 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

A very succint piece... well done...i particularly liked,

"Ceiling speckled
With drywall that never fell all the way to earth.
Arms a slight ache,
But my head's not doing worse.
Room and view so empty.
Yet still so full I could swoon.
As I lie here on the bed unable to move"

awesome... wonderfully said... you are a poet, without a doubt...
thanks for the read
dp
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 05-13-2000 11:34 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

SpitFire. Thanks for your response. Your name reminds me of an Atari 2600 game I used to play, when you're this knight trying to jump or crouch under two levels of dragon flame coming at you to cross into the dragon's lair. Oh wait -- that's DragonFire. Still, cool game; and cool name.

serenity. I think "oddly" and "hopeful" are words meant to co-mingle (sp?). Life's hard on us all, and it's hard to remain hopeful after your dreams seem to deflate every time you think something's going to go right. But you need to pay closer attention (   ); I think all my poems, even at their darkest, have an aura of hope in them. That's the way I live -- otherwise I'd probably have been dead long ago. And Lord knows we don't want that!   ii

jm. What's up? Glad you enjoyed the poem, and thanks for taking my critique without offense. I'll make sure to answer yr other questions soon.

dp. Thank you. That's the kind of reply that makes me glad to be doing what I'm doing.  

Mike
 
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