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Passions in Poetry

At the Crucifixion of Woman

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 05-11-2000 03:28 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

Do not take her life.
You shall not remove her from my existence.
Do not slay this whore.
She shall not die for your tenacity,
for she is the whore of man.
Her bosom drips humanity,
this b**ch of society.
The mother of life.
She gives to us all.
Do not kill her.
She must not die.
The sin is not her's to bear.
My mother, my daughter,
Just the whore of man.
Do not take her.
Keep your cross of segregation.
You’re a fool.
Man is not born unto man,
but we burst, head first, from
within the walls ,
from within the skin of her.
We are born from
the whore of man.




 There is something inside me
and I know it's good,
but understanding is misunderstood.
  




[This message has been edited by Effigy (edited 05-11-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


1 posted 05-11-2000 03:52 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

I am not quiet sure who/what the "she" in the poem is, forgive my ignorance. I am guessing nature. anyway a powerful poem, thank you for giving me something to spend the rest of the night pondering over.  
Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


2 posted 05-12-2000 12:25 AM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Effigy

You're welcome, and you're right it is some what about nature.
forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


3 posted 04-16-2004 12:07 AM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

Very vivid image, but the main problem is that you never IDENTIFY the whore. Who IS this woman? The poem has the feel that you're not talking about a specific woman, but an ideal, but you never really identify what that ideal is. I loved the end of the poem, starting with "Man is not born unto man," is really great, especially the "but we burst, head first," line. Really vivid. Let me suggest, though, that you move the "from" in that line down to the beginning of the next line. In addition to tightening up the line, it would also make it jive better with the line after.
 
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