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Passions in Poetry

I Remember

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TerryW
Senior Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 787
Louisville, Mississippi, USA


0 posted 05-10-2000 06:17 PM       View Profile for TerryW   Email TerryW   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit TerryW's Home Page   View IP for TerryW

     Not too long ago I read the challenge about Child Abuse.  It struck a very tender spot in me, and I answered the challenge.  For the first time in my life, I have found the strength to write about something that haunted me from the time I was 8 years old until I was 13.  When I wrote this poem, I released at least a decade of memories that I had buried inside of my heart.  My Mom and Dad divorced when I was only 6 and both remarried.  The lady that my Dad remarried (my step-mom - and I use the term loosely) never accepted me as belonging to my Dad.  She had a son that he adpoted, and they had a son together.  I never belonged there in her eyes, and she maintained that feeling until the day I made the decision that I had to stop seeing my Dad.  I lost a lot of time that I will never regain with him, but I really didn't think I could survive if things kept going like they were.  (He and I have begun to talk again now, and I have since told him a lot that happened that he never knew.)  
     When I wrote the following poem, I started only as the answer to the challenge.  Before I was finished, I had cried a decade's worth of tears.  I held out on posting it, because I had to let what I wrote sink in to myself, but now I want to share it with you, dear friends.   Thank you for just being yourself--

Love,
   Terry


I Remember

I remember how you laughed at me
And told me I was strange
And even though I was a child
That I would never change.

I remember all the harshness
Of your shallow, careless words
And the pain they caused inside me
Every time they were heard.

I remember the feelings
That overtook my heart
When you told me I was worthless
And in your life I had no part.

I remember every tear
That I shed because of you
And the struggle to keep hidden
All the bruises,  black and blue.

I remember the sting of
Every blow that I endured
And the month I could not rest
Until the lashes on my back were cured.

I remember all the times
I awoke in the early morn
Crying silently to myself, remembering
You said you'd be happier had I never been born.

I remember the last time I saw your face
How you grinned in glee
At last, it seemed, you'd won
And you were finally free of me.

I remember this without an ounce of hate
For my spirit has grown strong
And though you did not want me near
I am where I belong.



 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.




[This message has been edited by TerryW (edited 05-12-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Terry A. Woodson, Jr. - All Rights Reserved
REBECCA ALLYN
Member
since 05-09-2000
Posts 91
Lima,Ohio


1 posted 05-10-2000 06:29 PM       View Profile for REBECCA ALLYN   Email REBECCA ALLYN   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for REBECCA ALLYN

This gets me right at the heart because there is so much feeling there
I hope that things with you go well
and thanks for sharing.
Some times sharing your pain helps more than we know.


Lots Of Luv,
Becky Allyn
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 05-10-2000 09:05 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

TerryW~
Sweetheart, know that if I could have stopped the blows that fell on you ...
I would have done it in a heartbeat.

You've become a wonderful, strong and loving man ... I admire your strength and your courage.  
I love you, Terry Woodson.  You are somebody in my eyes and you've touched my heart.
I send you *Hugs* so tight I know you can feel them.
Love you -
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


3 posted 05-10-2000 10:48 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry


Terry* It took me a while to find the words and even now they just don't seem enough.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, I'm also proud of you for posting this, it took courage and strength to write, let alone share, I admire the way you shared not only the poem but your story...that is half the inner battle...to let it out.  It hurt's like hell the first few times (I know) and then an amazing thing happens...it still stings but you start to heal.  **Angel Wing Hugs** Terry, for they ask nothing in return...oh and a **hug** from me too   and I don't ask for anything in return either   Take care of you Terry and the rest will come.
TerryW
Senior Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 787
Louisville, Mississippi, USA


4 posted 05-11-2000 09:54 AM       View Profile for TerryW   Email TerryW   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit TerryW's Home Page   View IP for TerryW

Rebecca~
     Thank you for the lovely comment, dear.  It took a long time to get to a point where I can let all of this out.  But I feel so much better!   You are right, it does feel good to share with those who care!

Love Ya~




Marge~
     I can not find the right words to thank you for your comment, dear.  I know that you would have done anything for me, as I would do anything I could for you.  Thank you for the hugs.  I feel so much better.  All the physical pain stopped a long time ago, but I don't think I ever felt quite as free as when I posted this.  Friends like you make it all worth while!
{{{Hugs}}} right back at you!

Love Ya~


 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.
TerryW
Senior Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 787
Louisville, Mississippi, USA


5 posted 05-11-2000 09:57 AM       View Profile for TerryW   Email TerryW   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit TerryW's Home Page   View IP for TerryW

Holly~
     My dear, I would never forget you!  Thank you so much for reading this.  You are right, it was probably the hardest thing I ever let out.  But knowing that I have friends like you who care about me made all the difference.  You are very special to me, and I just wanted to tell you that.  Thank you for just being you!
{{{Hugs}}}  

Love Ya~


 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


6 posted 05-11-2000 10:33 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Terry...I am glad you found the strength to not only write this but to also post it. It spoke so clearly to my heart and I am sorry that you had to endure this, no one should ever have to live through things like this, but I do understand. I'd say I wish I could dry those tears, but actually the tears are a good thing, like laughter, they are cleansing and sometimes we need to cry to wash some of the pain of the past away. Lord knows, I've cried more than my share of those healing tears. Just know that you are not alone and that there are people out there who think you're very special.
Hugs  
Ruth
TerryW
Senior Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 787
Louisville, Mississippi, USA


7 posted 05-11-2000 11:33 AM       View Profile for TerryW   Email TerryW   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit TerryW's Home Page   View IP for TerryW

Ruth~
     Thank you for reading this one.  It means a lot to me.  I do appreciate you comments, and I have to agree with you -- I do feel that the tears were a cleansing, and one that I have been needing for a long time.  It is great to have you back among us, my dear!

LoveYa~

 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


8 posted 05-11-2000 05:22 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Terry,
thank you for sharing this, the abuse challenge was hard and emotional on many...
but for everyone that it helped let go or be freed of old demons and ghosts it was worth every tear. We can ONLY heal when  we can face it and then rise above.
I know this pain first hand... and for me the verbal abuse left more scars that any backhand ever thrown.
unless you've lived it, its hard to understand.
take care my sweet and STRONG friend, jm

dont know if you saw this one already Ive posted it before... but it applies here...
written for the same reasons,


~Take These Tears~

Take these tears, I wont cry them anymore,
They fall like wasted wine and scatter on the floor.

Take this pain, its been here way too long,
You use it to keep a hold on me-but I'm feeling suddenly strong.

Take this shame-it always belonged to you,
Keep it with the lies you told and the broken promises too.

Take this rage...you deserve it most of all,
If you think I'm gonna get over it-your headed for a fall.

Take this silence, I know you've heard its sound before...
Its the first thing you hear...after the slamming of the door.

Janet Marie
David2
Member
since 03-22-2000
Posts 412


9 posted 05-11-2000 05:42 PM       View Profile for David2   Email David2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for David2

Terry,
   I pray hopefully that this work helps you in your recuperation. There were some very emotional pssages there and I am sure the pain is and was even more intense than your words allowed. You captured the essence of poetry in that you communicated your feelings perfectly. Good luck.
                   David2
lorilockheart
Member
since 05-06-2000
Posts 206
Alabama


10 posted 05-11-2000 07:23 PM       View Profile for lorilockheart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lorilockheart

Terry,
It is hard to know how to find the words to respond to this.  Just know I feel such sorrow deep in my heart for you and the fact that this happened.  All of us do - I know you can see that.  I am so glad that you have written about this.  You have challenged us too.  Your words will remain with me for a long time.
Lori

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance.
song by LeeAnn Womack
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zelda
Junior Member
since 02-01-2000
Posts 43
NOVA


11 posted 05-11-2000 08:30 PM       View Profile for Zelda   Email Zelda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Zelda

This is very powerful, Terry.  
Your message is so painfully clear...so tragic.
I'm glad that you found the strength to write about this and post.
Thank you for sharing,
Z
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


12 posted 05-11-2000 08:37 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

You have clearly touched many people with your words and this incredible poem, and I count myself among them Terry. Your last verse shows how far you have come in this difficult struggle, and how you have grown with strength of spirit and forgiveness. We may never know "why" we were given such difficult challenges in life ... but to survive them, gain strength from them, and to teach others of your experiences is the key you have now found to move on.

Best wishes and prayers,
/Kit
TerryW
Senior Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 787
Louisville, Mississippi, USA


13 posted 05-12-2000 10:06 AM       View Profile for TerryW   Email TerryW   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit TerryW's Home Page   View IP for TerryW

JanetMarie~
     Thank you dear.  I know that any abuse leavs scars.  But I went through a healing process when I got this out.  And I have to tell you, it is the caring and friendship that I share with all of you that made the difference.  I am just glad that I found understanding and caring friends that I could "unload" these emotions on.   Thank you for your lovely poem, too.  I know that you have a deep inner strength yourself.

Love Ya~

David2~
     Thank you.  I think the hardest pain was opening up and letting it all flow out.  I had submerged it for too long.  And of course, the physical pain was gone a long time ago.  I appreciate your reading this, and I thank you for undersatanding.

Lori~
     Thank you for the lovely comment.  If I can touch one person's heart with this, then I have done something worthwhile.

Zelda~
    Thank you.  You know that through all of my family here at passions (including you)  is where my strength came from.  I love you all!

Kit~
    I have always tried my best to take everything that happens in my life, whether good or bad, and turn it into a positive direction finder.  I have always tried to use what happens to me to find a way to be a better person.  I hope I have succeeded.  If I should fail, I will only try that much harder.  Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.

Love to ALL~

 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.
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