navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #7 » Stark Realization
Open Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic Stark Realization Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Effigy
Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486
disbelief

0 posted 2000-05-08 04:55 PM


Days of blind sight.
Deaf to the light,
in the darkness of the sun.
Voices keep calling my name,
just forgotten seekers of the same.
Families poor and cold,
the elders drifting in
memories so old.

Bight eyes stare into my soul.
Red eyes of persecution,
haunting my nonexisting goal.

With myself,
the only one to blame
I cast down others
in hate's flame.

No one to reach out to,
there is no door to escape through.
Not an ounce of respect left,
not for you or myself.

Things never seem to go right,
too far gone, too deep in plight.
Nothing left to do,
no where else to go.

Where have I been?

Living on the tattered edges of trust,
just off the cliffs of belief.
I can't believe.
I don't believe in myself.
Don't believe in me.
You can't believe.

Trust nothing, fear everything
fear nothing, trust everything

And all of this occurs to me,
wraps around and surrounds me,
walking away in the twilight of day
with everything around
slowly fading to gray.



 There is something inside me
and I know it's good,
but understanding is misunderstood.




© Copyright 2000 wes wiggins - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2000-05-08 04:58 PM


Effigy~ Wow! this should go over in Dark Passions! Loved it! -SEA
forne_marin
Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina
2 posted 2004-04-16 12:05 PM


"Deaf to the light", "just off the cliffs of belief". You have some very vivid images in this piece, but it's a bit immature. To me the entire piece was an excuse to slip in the lines "Trust nothing, fear everything/fear nothing, trust everything". It's an urge I can't understand in you. You come up with some great punches, and you insist on surrounding them with nonsensical psychobabble. You have a great punch. Throw the punch and leave out the psychobabble. There is nothing neccisarily wrong with a one or two line poem.
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #7 » Stark Realization

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary