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Passions in Poetry

Random thoughts unedited and unrevised

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WhiteNite
Member
since 04-09-2000
Posts 249
Montgomery, AL


0 posted 05-06-2000 06:14 PM       View Profile for WhiteNite   Email WhiteNite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit WhiteNite's Home Page   View IP for WhiteNite

This is just a mess of ramblings flowing onto paper (er.... screen) wihtout thought to flow or rhyme.  I'll probably go back and give it a name and make it rhyme and all that cool stuff... (bleh!)... but I once had someone tell me that they liked my stuff better before I did all that so I decided I'd see what you guys thought.    Of course lately I don't get many replies, but I do value the few I get, so tell me what you think.  I personally think it kinda bites... just wanted to know if she was blowing smoke or if I've just got wierd taste.   I'll post the revised version later.

P.S.
     Unedited, unrevised and UN-SPELLCHECKED! =)



(Random thoughts unedited and unrevised)


I used to bend and steatch and mold myself to fit in your beliefs

You ran too far ahead and I couldn't keep up

My arms stretched out but it was never fast enough

I cought up to you while you rested and held on so tight

You took comfort in my embrace while your friends rushed ahead

They left you lonely and tired from your run to keep up with their crawl

You never had to stretch but it was just a different fight

Another morning comes and I'm just stretching again

You left me in your dust and became a glimmer of light ahead

You ran all morning to catch up to their crawls

Just for the few moments you'd spend together before you rested again

Standing strong where I always had, but stretching just trying to fit in

I used to know myself before I was stretched out so thin

I used to know myself before I decided you were better

I used to believe in things like faith and trust until I snapped under the pressure

Falling back to normal I finally gave up the fight

Snapping back from you, you quickly became to faint to see

I found myself sitting where I left him so many years ago

Dark and lonely and shivering from the pain

Deprived of the strength he used to call his own

Bitter from the beauty of his youth I'd lost in my struggles

Useless anger and rage were all he felt inside

There was noone left to blame except me, his darker side

I sat disgusted with myself for the shame I brought to him

An innocent victim of the unrequited love I held onto so long

Finally a calm came over us and we came to a compromise

I'd find my faith and trust again and he'd not give them so freely

Now we live together as one, the past is part of what makes "us" me

There are scars on my skin from the distance it used to stretch between me and you

Scars from the mold that used to pinch my skin still bring you back to mind

I used to follow your lead, and fit into your mold, but now I'm "just me"

My mind still wonders how close we would be, if you stopped running and became "just you"?

--Dave


 "Don't let your character get camoflaged with your environment.
Find who you are and let it stay in its true colors." --Rachel Joy Scott


© Copyright 2000 Dave - All Rights Reserved
netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


1 posted 05-06-2000 06:23 PM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

Hey Dave, -- nothing like a rambing
poet. I write some of my best without
a single revision ------JUST let it
flow.  I am glad you have molded into
one -------it takes some growing up to
do that -- and to realize you are you -
a huge growth step in life.

Loved the read.

I think the posting is because there
are so many people now, Dave. I doubt
very much it is personal ------)

From what I can tell by the conversations
in here it was a lot smaller,  but word
spreads and more and more people will
join these threads.  For instance me --
I am barely a month old.

Keep the faith, and most assuredly stay
you -- I am always trying to meld the good
and the demons inside of me into one,
and darn if the "imps" don't escape from
time to time ---)

Teresa
CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 3084


2 posted 05-06-2000 07:13 PM       View Profile for CocoBaci   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CocoBaci

For rambling thoughts
Your words seem to flow
This indeed was an enjoyable read.
CocoBaci
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 05-06-2000 08:17 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Standing strong where I always had, but stretching just trying to fit in

I used to know myself before I was stretched out so thin

I used to know myself before I decided you were better
-----------------------
I found myself sitting where I left him so many years ago

Dark and lonely and shivering from the pain

Deprived of the strength he used to call his own
---------------------
An innocent victim of the unrequited love I held onto so long

Finally a calm came over us and we came to a compromise

I'd find my faith and trust again and he'd not give them so freely

Now we live together as one, the past is part of what makes "us" me

There are scars on my skin from the distance it used to stretch between me and you
--------------------


hey you....there are some really good lines and thoughts here...
you definaltly need to organize them and work on this...it has the makings of a damn good cleansing, purging poem...
and you know I definatly think "she"
needs to be exorsised from under your skin.
But this shows you are trying to learn from it all and through the soul seaching you will find your self again.
Well, thats my lecture for the day *smile*
thats my story and Im sticking to it  
later dave-gator.
jm.
PS (check out the sig.) lol ROB RULES!!!!
jm

 It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and you lose it all ...
And it's unnerving
How one move just puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell ...
I'm not sayin
That there was nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
And I'm not sayin
We ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let you get away from me.
~MB20~Leave


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