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Passions in Poetry

Time Leak

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Martie
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0 posted 05-06-2000 01:28 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

   Time Leak

What a path it is
across this narrow
and how will I bridge
this troubled stream
with this small foot

all around are stones
buried in time’s trekking
with these broken brooding
and fallen treeless limbs
we are all stranded here it seems

looking for a way across the valley
where the sun has melted the clouds
and I can clearly see the stitches
of some clever hand that knows
about how to cross travail.

Each thought now is wrapped up
thus packaged and incumbered
a brightly anticipated gift
daring in nestled excelsior
and placed just so

but opening is so wearing
for words melt across me
with yearning’s unspoken music
that says leap now
jump and dance with driftwood fairies
for time leaks
and too soon will be undone.




[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 05-07-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Martie Odell-Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
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1 posted 05-06-2000 01:45 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Martie, my friend~
How exquisite your thoughts on this day.
A treat to savor ... again and again.

'but opening is so wearing
for words melt across me
with yearning’s unspoken music
that says leap now
jump and dance with driftwood fairies
for time leaks
and too soon will be undone.'

'Leap now', indeed !
I LOVE THIS !
Just love it !
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

doreen peri
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since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


2 posted 05-06-2000 03:38 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Martie, this is some very fine writing here... i especially liked the last stanza... many wonderful lines in here--

"but opening is so wearing
for words melt across me
with yearning’s unspoken music"

i wish i wrote that! it gave me chills... and spoke to me today. Thank you.

-doreen
netswan
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since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


3 posted 05-06-2000 06:27 PM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

Lovely Martie --  -- yes, never waste
a moment in time to take time out
for yourself -- LEAP -----and land
where ever you may feel.

netswan
Denise
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4 posted 05-06-2000 08:57 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Oh, how true, Martie. This is beautifully done, too! But of course!  

Denise
Martie
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5 posted 05-06-2000 11:40 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Marge--you leap all the time..me, I have to ponder first. Thanks for such a sweet comment.

Doreen--A very nice compliment coming from a poet I admire.  Thank you

Netswan--I can see us all now leaping around like Passion's frogs...

Denise--Thanks for the beautiful comment.
jwesley
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since 04-30-2000
Posts 6413
Texas . . .


6 posted 05-06-2000 11:59 PM       View Profile for jwesley   Email jwesley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jwesley

Ah, Martie...

I had to read that four times before I even took a breathe.  Absolutely...wonderful!

A little "picky, picky" thing though. In verse 3, line 1, I think the "away" should be
"a way".  And in the next line shouldn't that  be "mottled the clouds"? Molted is like a bird shedding feathers.

And in the 4th verse "daring in nestled excelsior" would probably be more correct if it was "daringly nestled in excelsior".

I'm wrong a lot though, so smack if I am, because it's a beautiful poem.

j.

[This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 05-07-2000).]
Marge Tindal
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7 posted 05-07-2000 12:07 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Ah, JWesley~
It's Ah, Martie ... not Ah, Marge !
SMACK !
Picky - picky is right !  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
*Ah, Martie ... I love ya' gal !
Ah,~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Meadowmuse
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since 12-27-1999
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8 posted 05-07-2000 12:25 AM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Well I think JWesley is right...


It IS a beautiful poem!!!



Loved it Martie...
~ Claire

 Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau
jwesley
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since 04-30-2000
Posts 6413
Texas . . .


9 posted 05-07-2000 12:30 AM       View Profile for jwesley   Email jwesley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jwesley

Sorry Martie, soon as I hit the send key I realized my mistake and tried to hurry and change it...but, alas, I was caught and am now if full flight...woe is me...
Martie
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10 posted 05-07-2000 12:49 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Ah Marge--you are so sweet and protective...I think I'll keep you.  Hugs! (but you took my SMACK)

Claire--Thanks Claire for the wonderful reply.

Jwesley--To hold your breath through 4 readings is a great compliment--thank you!! and I appreciate you pointing out a few things that I really do need to change.  
Cerenity
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since 02-16-2000
Posts 2712
Escondido-California


11 posted 05-08-2000 10:09 AM       View Profile for Cerenity   Email Cerenity   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cerenity

Good morning Martie,

This is wonderful my dear, perfect just the way it is, enjoyed much.

Love,  Cerenity
Martie
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12 posted 05-08-2000 11:02 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Good morning Cerenity--thanks so much for your lovely comment!
Rosemary J. Gwaltney
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since 08-26-99
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northern mountains, Idaho


13 posted 05-08-2000 08:22 PM       View Profile for Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Email Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rosemary J. Gwaltney's Home Page   View IP for Rosemary J. Gwaltney

This is lovely.  I especially enjoyed the last stanza.  Beautifully written, Martie.



 The spiritual wind that holds survivors aloft, plants the seeds from which bloom new hope ... R.J.G.

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