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Passions in Poetry

Voices

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DiObear
Member
since 04-30-2000
Posts 68
Switzerland


0 posted 05-06-2000 01:15 AM       View Profile for DiObear   Email DiObear   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DiObear

“I don’t know about us,” I say.
My voice shaking

Forever is as long as I want to sit beside you
But you’ve given too many mixed messages
I mean everything to you and I mean nothing
You mean everything to me, but so does my heart

“Look at me,” you say.
Your voice insistent

I manage a brief glance before turning away
You’re looking too deeply into my eyes
Straight through my soul, straight to my heart
Places I don’t want your eyes to see

“I love you,” you say.
Your voice pleading

You sound like you believe what you’re saying
But along with the candles reflecting off your eyes
I see that spark of fear and I understand
You’re not comfortable with those three words

“I love you too,” I say.
My voice silent
© Copyright 2000 DiObear - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


1 posted 05-06-2000 01:22 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Very powerful scene here...played out in just a few well chosen words, the emotional drama so quiet between two people.  Really liked it!
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 05-06-2000 01:35 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

DiObear~
This is so tender and yet so wise.
I think it is a reflection of your spirit.

'Forever is as long as I want to sit beside you'  BEAUTIFUL !

'"I love you too," I say.
My voice silent'  BRILLIANT !

See what I mean ?
Beauty and wisdom.
I enjoyed this so much.
~*Marge*~




 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 05-06-2000 01:36 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

THIS IS EXCELLENT!!!
the idea of a conversation is so creative and cool.
but the emotions in this are so well writtens out the reader feels like we are
intruding on this painful moment in a relationship...
been here...know it well.
very nice work here.
take care, jm
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


4 posted 05-06-2000 01:37 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Wow - you convey the "unsureness" here so well.  Wonderful work.

Michael
DiObear
Member
since 04-30-2000
Posts 68
Switzerland


5 posted 05-06-2000 01:43 AM       View Profile for DiObear   Email DiObear   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DiObear

Martie, Marge, Janet and Michael,

You guys are so encouraging with your words that you actually gave me goose bumps as I read your words.  Sometimes I show my poems to friends and they just ask me why I don't write happy ones more often.  You guys actually get it.  

This place, PIP, is so nurturing.

Thanks from my heart,
Sue
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


6 posted 05-06-2000 02:02 AM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Oh wow, can I relate to this...the "unsureness" as Michael called it.  This was a nervewracking conversation for me to even witness.  Nicely done Sue!  I liked it alot ....
DiObear
Member
since 04-30-2000
Posts 68
Switzerland


7 posted 05-06-2000 12:00 PM       View Profile for DiObear   Email DiObear   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DiObear

poetFemmeFatale,

I hope that typing your comments helped to calm your nerves a bit.  ;-)  I sure appreciated them.

Sue

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


8 posted 05-06-2000 09:52 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very well written, Sue. I could feel the tension of the moment!

Denise
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