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Open Poetry #7
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DiObear
Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66
Switzerland

0 posted 2000-05-06 01:15 AM


“I don’t know about us,” I say.
My voice shaking

Forever is as long as I want to sit beside you
But you’ve given too many mixed messages
I mean everything to you and I mean nothing
You mean everything to me, but so does my heart

“Look at me,” you say.
Your voice insistent

I manage a brief glance before turning away
You’re looking too deeply into my eyes
Straight through my soul, straight to my heart
Places I don’t want your eyes to see

“I love you,” you say.
Your voice pleading

You sound like you believe what you’re saying
But along with the candles reflecting off your eyes
I see that spark of fear and I understand
You’re not comfortable with those three words

“I love you too,” I say.
My voice silent

© Copyright 2000 DiObear - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2000-05-06 01:22 AM


Very powerful scene here...played out in just a few well chosen words, the emotional drama so quiet between two people.  Really liked it!
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
2 posted 2000-05-06 01:35 AM


DiObear~
This is so tender and yet so wise.
I think it is a reflection of your spirit.

'Forever is as long as I want to sit beside you'  BEAUTIFUL !

'"I love you too," I say.
My voice silent'  BRILLIANT !

See what I mean ?
Beauty and wisdom.
I enjoyed this so much.
~*Marge*~




 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2000-05-06 01:36 AM


THIS IS EXCELLENT!!!
the idea of a conversation is so creative and cool.
but the emotions in this are so well writtens out the reader feels like we are
intruding on this painful moment in a relationship...
been here...know it well.
very nice work here.
take care, jm

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
4 posted 2000-05-06 01:37 AM


Wow - you convey the "unsureness" here so well.  Wonderful work.

Michael

DiObear
Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66
Switzerland
5 posted 2000-05-06 01:43 AM


Martie, Marge, Janet and Michael,

You guys are so encouraging with your words that you actually gave me goose bumps as I read your words.  Sometimes I show my poems to friends and they just ask me why I don't write happy ones more often.  You guys actually get it.  

This place, PIP, is so nurturing.

Thanks from my heart,
Sue

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
6 posted 2000-05-06 02:02 AM


Oh wow, can I relate to this...the "unsureness" as Michael called it.  This was a nervewracking conversation for me to even witness.  Nicely done Sue!  I liked it alot ....
DiObear
Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66
Switzerland
7 posted 2000-05-06 12:00 PM


poetFemmeFatale,

I hope that typing your comments helped to calm your nerves a bit.  ;-)  I sure appreciated them.

Sue


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

8 posted 2000-05-06 09:52 PM


Very well written, Sue. I could feel the tension of the moment!

Denise

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