Sitting in Michael's Lap
The first time I read this, I must admit I wasn't too impressed (you know this).
But on consideration, and on rereading (several times), I feel as though I must serve myself up a slice of humble pie and admit that the fault may have lain not with the writing, but with the reading ...
I cannot imagine what else it could be, since I cannot seem to find those faults, now, that seemed so glaringly obvious to me before -- LOL. Though 'tis not quite perfection, I contest that this is a masterpiece of flow ... the eye and mind are swept along the page, to a wistful sigh endwise ...
Well done' my friend, and I apologize for my previous haste.
Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...
--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest