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Passions in Poetry

Circle

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 05-05-2000 08:32 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

I've gotten lost in my srife.
I'm drowning in my life.
Let me strip it away,
if for no other reason, then to make it through today.
I'm seperate from you all,
trapped behind this damn wall.
I know not what to do.
I wish I could sleep inside of you.
You sit cloaked in perfection,
but I know your true intention.
Your confused and don't know why,
blood seems to rain from the sky.
It's starting all over again.
I am just where you've been,
or maybe you are just where I am.
It's all destroying this blessed damn,
that seperates good from evil,
right from normal,
truth from reality.
Now you're getting bogged down in irrationality.
You'd sell your soul for a dime,
everything is starting over one more time.


 There is something inside me
and I know it's good,
but understanding is misunderstood.



© Copyright 2000 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 05-06-2000 12:49 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

I've gotten lost in my srife.
I'm drowning in my life.
Let me strip it away,
if for no other reason, then to make it through today.
I'm seperate from you all,
trapped behind this damn wall.
I know not what to do.
I wish I could sleep inside of you.
---------------
this is VERY well written..
the rhyme flows smoothly
you went deep for the emotions of this.
well expressed depression my friend.
they would love this over in Dark Passions.
take care, jm
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


2 posted 05-06-2000 03:52 AM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

I don't think you're the only one behind that wall...Turn your attentions more to your surroundings, and you will see that.

Nice poetry. It conveys a thoughtful message.


 Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau"
forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


3 posted 04-16-2004 12:05 AM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

First on technique: You did really well on the meter on this one. There are a few lines that need work, but by and large it rumbles along quite well. You misspelled strife, but that's just a typo. As for the emotional punch of the poem, it's all very good. You have emphazised the cyclical nature of things very well. I very much liked the image, especailly since you did such a good job with the meter. You feel like you're on a lyrical roller coaster. "It's all destroying this blessed damn,/that seperates good from evil,/right from normal,/truth from reality." That is a very powerful few lines, especailly "right from normal". That was my favorite line.
 
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