Ok..remember you asked..*S*. I see some problems with the meter. I am not an expert on meter but I read a poem in a rythum and when it doesn't work it makes me stumble.
In the first stanza...1st line. I would remove the word So. It breaks the rythum you create through the rest of the poem.
In the third line of the first stanza you need another syllable for it to work for me.
Hmm...I'll do it this way and you tell me what you think...lol.
To my dear beloved mother,
Whom I cherish through the years.
Who gave to me the gift of life,
In my youth you dried my tears.
You held me to your bosum,
Sang to me a childhood song,
As a toddler I would stumble,
But you helped me to grow strong.
When each disease of childhood,
Came on up to my front door.
You were always at my bed side,
Your sweet love was the cure.
When nightmares did awake me, mom
And my eyes were filled with tears
You were always there to help me, mom
And your words would soothe my fears.
But where you won the prize, dear mom,
The merits and the cheers.
Is how you stuck with a part of me
Even through these teenage years.
But I have come to ask you this
“How did this happen to you?”
You have Ears that can hear all
And eyes in the back of your head too.
(I am not sure what you are trying to say in this last stanza??? How did what happen to her? What does having eyes in the back of her head have to do with what happened to her?)
Ah, Your nose is my favorite part,
And the most interesting I might add.
You can smell a dirty diaper 50 yards away (this line doesn't work..can't think on how to make it fit. "You can smell a dirty diaper." works but then you loose the distance remark.)
And up you jump, like a launching pad.
Then you have those ears of yours,
That can tune into me when I talk,
Man, how can you hear under my breath
Then tune me out when I squawk.
Those shoulders of yours, mom
Are great as I can see,
They can hold the weight of the world
And almost never be set free. (what do you mean by almost never be set free? What was the intent of this line?)
So mother I just came to say:
Some people are inspired by fortune and fame
Some by the unique traits of another
Some by soceity’s prestigious name
But I, by the values instilled in me from my mother.
I hope I was of some help. these are just suggestions and I am sure I have missed something that I should have gotten in the lines that confused me. If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail me.
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shodows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face...
William Butler Yeats