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Open Poetry #7
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Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2000-05-05 05:15 PM


The Lines in Between

Softly to the bed sheets it fell
the letter edged with words from hell

“...and the salt of you upon my tongue
took me back
to the sweetness of our youth...”

to him she had given all
to lust he had followed the call.

“…but I cannot love you anymore,
though know you
in my heart will always stay…”

Now aged and spent in fading light
she glared back into the night
the hating spittle on her tongue
the aching pain to again be young…

“…you will be all right,
and you will find another,
love will come back to you…”

To know that in the hour past
he had loved her for the last,
her unknowing, but giving in trust,
now to memory the act would rust.

“...and the salt of you upon my tongue
took me back
to the sweetness of our youth...”

…so he took his age and
with lack of wisdom great
left the woman by his side
to play with new soul mate…

Softly to the bed sheets it fell
the letter edged with words from hell.

5 May, 2000
©KRJ



 Sunshine
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


© Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-05-05 05:30 PM


This is fabulous, Sunshine, sad yet beautifully done! Gee, you're on a roll girl!!  

Denise

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2000-05-05 05:38 PM


rollin' rollin' rollin',,,keep those doggies moving....yahoo!  Thanks, Denise!
Dawn Eclipse
Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637
The Horsehead Nebula
3 posted 2000-05-05 07:59 PM


That was a very vivid poem!  I love description.  I enjoyed this one very much.  

 "Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying."
Harry Anderson, "Night Court"

*Cassandra Roseen*

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2000-05-05 08:08 PM


Sun, this is amazing...I got a chill reading this...it aches with longing and love lost...
the letter read thru out the poem is such a perfect touch...very creative.
those first and last two lines...are perfect...they are killer!!


 ~as always, Take Care,JM~
--------------
I know it's been a long road
To get these towns behind me and I
Will gladly reap what we may sow--
I am there for you ...
and you're there for me ...
Are you waiting for
Heart in hand
Woman and man
See me where I stand I am
Heart
Heart in hand
~vertical horizon~


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2000-05-05 11:03 PM


Sunshine~
You took it and ran with it ...
nicely done, my dear.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Tia
Junior Member
since 2000-05-05
Posts 41
massachusetts
6 posted 2000-05-05 11:11 PM


that was a beautiful poem.it's very deep,and it comes from inside.very sad though
good job!

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
7 posted 2000-05-06 09:43 AM


Vivid as ever, Sunshine...

Strange though it may sound, sadness starts glowing when you depict it in your words...

Regards,
sudhir.


 In any moment of decision,
The best thing you can do is the right thing,
The next-best thing is the wrong thing,
And the worst thing you can do is nothing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
8 posted 2000-05-06 02:20 PM


Thank you all...without all of you, I fear my muse would find elsewhere to play...
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
9 posted 2000-05-07 09:15 AM


Don't you be taking your muse anywhere - This is absolutely wonderful... Bittersweet, but sooooo very realistic...Nice job, my friend..
ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
10 posted 2000-05-07 11:00 AM


Wow! Sunshine, your poem has left such a vivid picture in my mind. The hurt and rejection...
Just be keeping your muse close by you, keep posting!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie


 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2000-05-07 11:41 AM


Nan, don't think for a moment I'll leave this little nest...I've previewed others...this is the best!

Thanks, Lizzie...I will keep your words close to me...

pandora
Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 184

12 posted 2000-05-07 12:36 PM


wonderfully honest... excellent lines in here... i could identify with this one.. LOL.. well, not really funny...

nice job on this, sunshine!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2000-05-08 08:57 AM


It's OK to laugh, Pandora...we all have to relate on some level...thanks!
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