State of constant confusion!
I know the pain of not understanding why things happen the way they do is very difficult to go through, but I believe that things happen for a reason. Even though we may not know the reason at the time and may never know the reason, God does. Glad to see that you have taken this to him. For he truly is one that can help.
My prayers are with you.
All my love,
I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep