All this time on my own makes me wonder,
My paranoia taking control,
I'm thinking about myself again,
about how I hate it all.
Colours flash through my skull.
I'm going nowhere and I'm getting there slowly.
Is this whereI'm going to be all my life?
I've messed it all up.
Still I'm holding on to a memory,
Maybe I'll be there again sometime never.
I'm getting vaguely hysterical,
THinking of you as always,
Doubt spreading thick across my mind.
I'm stuck in this rut.
Pleaes don't fill it in...
It's all goingtoo fast so slowly.
I'm counting down the days again.
How do I know if it's futile or not?
If I'm so smart why am I sitting here?
Motivation eludes me so I smoke my timwe away.
I'd better light up 'cos I'm doing nothing.
I have no expectations just a headache.
My brain gets stuck again.
I think of you and my mind flows faster than I can
move my pen.
Daytime TV fills the hole where my IQ used to be.
I wish I was Marilyn,
But she was messed up too.
I try to visualise myself in 20 years time,
but all I see is fuzzy and black.
My naive mind plays around with images.
I feel so old,
but my inexperienced mind
and pre-f***ed body belie me.
I just want to be in a film,
"French Kiss", "Pretty in Pink", "Reality Bites".
I want to find accidental triumph,
have accidental accidents,
to have it all fade to black as I'm kissing my hero.
But it's all gone wrong,
It's all gone abit "Rocky Horror...";
The glitter's gone and I'm all wet and smeary.
I've lost my way.
It's all started to rot.
Frustration has set in.
Could you love me now?
Don't speak too soon; you haven't seen me for a while.
Fate does not exist, so whatcan I put all this down
I need to stop kidding myself-
But I'm still afraid to chuck in the towel,
Because all this pondering has made me think;
What if you DO love me?
I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it.
[This message has been edited by mete out (edited 05-12-2000).]