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Open Poetry #7
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-05-02 07:05 AM


If there were but
one drop of dew
in rainbow field
of sparkling hue,
on hands and knees,
beyond Pride's yield--
Know you, now--I would find you.

I do not care for wishes, grant...
However, sweet, is sweet romance...
Bodies--all, they pass away.
Forever--I have felt this way.
You remain connecting piece
to puzzle of eternity.

My heart is but a sacrifice;
and if I could, I'd offer twice--
"Receive this blade,"
the virgin prayed,
"for nothing else, will now suffice..."

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
1 posted 2000-05-02 07:36 AM


WOW, this one is splendid.

What a wonderful caricature of a gift that is sacrifice!

Expressed wonderfully well, serenity

regards, sudhir

 Take each day as it comes,
Consider each day as a flight,
Try hard to succeed and fly,
Surely then you will reach some height.

But if by some chance you don’t,
Remember that tomorrow will always come.
Learn this well and learn this hard
That today’s efforts will pay for tomorrow’s fun.

A Crazy Monster, a.k.a Ski


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-05-02 08:22 AM


My heart is but a sacrifice;
and if I could, I'd offer twice--
"Receive this blade,"
the virgin prayed,
"for nothing else, will now suffice..."
---------------------


*on my knees...begging for mercy* (smile)

WOW is right!!!
~SPLENDID~ is right...
and add ~EXQUISITE~ AND ~ENCHANTING~!!!

Girl...I could eat this one with a spoon like dessert!!
this is SO perfect.
I am taken by this poem's beauty and grace, serenity, truly.
and once again you mirrored my heart.
my my my...love you when your inspired  
poetry in motion...you are.
loves ya, jm


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 05-02-2000).]

A.C.Turner
Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 83
Reading, Pa.Home of Bardfest
3 posted 2000-05-02 08:57 AM


This is so moving. The rhyme is well done too.
ACT.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

4 posted 2000-05-02 09:23 AM


Excellent writing, Serenity!

Denise

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
5 posted 2000-05-02 09:27 AM


This was awesome sis....go ahead and bow... Kickin last lines too girl!!! Love to ya hon!!!!
~D


 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2000-05-02 10:20 AM


Wonderful writing, Serenity!
DiObear
Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66
Switzerland
7 posted 2000-05-02 10:23 AM


This is great. I especially like the last three lines.

DiObear

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
8 posted 2000-05-02 10:37 AM


The first 4 lines made it magical, and it just kept getting better and better, and Wow what an ending!  Delicately sweet this is.  Loved it!
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
9 posted 2000-05-02 12:25 PM


Serenity,
Good words, cleverly put, good poem.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

10 posted 2000-05-02 02:51 PM


Thanks to all--don't know WHERE that one came from--a little May Day Madness I suppose--but thank you all for reading..
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
11 posted 2000-05-02 10:15 PM


Wow... this is pure passion.  Draws you in and then wham!!!  What an ending...  Scathing emotion, serenity.  Love this one.

Michael

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
12 posted 2000-05-02 10:19 PM


very nice
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
13 posted 2000-05-02 10:43 PM


All I can do is echo all the praises above and add my thank you for sharing this.  

 Hold me for yesterday
Kiss me for tomorrow
But love me for today.


bobbycat
Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 233
USA
14 posted 2000-05-02 11:15 PM


Beautiful poem....and I know about that May Day Madness all too well.     This flows like a lilting song, carefree and magical; I really enjoyed it.

Bobbycat =^..^=

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
15 posted 2000-05-03 02:10 AM


Simply wonderful serenity. . . the passion and warmth can be felt in every line. . .

Beautiful poem. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
16 posted 2000-05-03 02:21 AM


Recieve this blade...
and a piercing blow it is!
Delivered right from your words into my heart.
You sure said a mouthful in a few words here!
I'm not sure I even grasped all the nuances of this here poem, but I know that what I did catch blew me away!
My, my, my you have a way!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

17 posted 2000-05-03 03:49 AM


Serenity is all aflush....
and glad she is, ye can't see blush...

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