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Open Poetry #7
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Keepsake
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Keepsake |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California 
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KEEPSAKE A silver chain - a locket, A time piece in my pocket... I carry with me everywhere I go. A dream cast - a shadow, By moonlight's silver glow... I wander from a dark and dreary past. A bleeding tear - fading rose, A silent scream, tempest froze... I linger by the sun in shades of gray. A prism dawn - a sphinx, A witches spell, a hex, a jinx... I walk alone the distant shards of pain. A Frankenstein - a Valentine, Forever yours, if never mine... Sanity stolen reigns, a sharpened blur. Lithium - pearl universe, Sanctity become the curse... Upon a dry horse flings the mane of Death. An albatross - a crucifix, Who dares now cross the River Styx... A specter of the shade by darkling voice. Golden rings - flesh ripped fingers, Yet this sacred virtue lingers... Memory's measure, Charity's swift decline. Contingencies - astringencies, Violence by silence if you please... Borrowed vistas shorn never recast! Helpless to Fate - known adversary Of this timepiece I yet carry... On my chain of silver tears never cried. Michael Anderson [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 05-03-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Extremely unique, Michael. I love the way this one sounded when read aloud. Deeply sad...the words almost sting. *Krista Knutson* "Lonliness is the human condition." *Mark Twain, in the book "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"* |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Michael: I am tempted to lapse into CA mode and begin slicing and dicing this to see what makes it work so well for me. I will resist (this time) and try to remain satisfied with saying that I found your poem very interesting. Lots of great images here, Michael, and I do not hesitate to throw this much feedback at you ... this is probably the strongest poem of yours that I have read to date. Nice work. Jim |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
The beginning of this is almost a children's song, and the end a dirge ... how artfully you turn the phrases to effect the change, my friend. Excellence ... --Me Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
 Love the titleHeck, love the poem you wonderfully obscure man.  I enjoyed the cadence this has, and the way it rolled off the tongue when read. Me thinks you should keep playing with new rhyme schemes. There were many stanzas that I was intrigued by, but this one stood out to me; probably due to the way the meter & rhythm work so perfectly:A bleeding tear - fading rose, A silent scream, tempest froze... I linger by the sun in shades of gray Love it! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Michael~ I've read this six times ... it's a 'keepsake' for sure. It gives just a glimmer of something missing in a life. Fragile thoughts are what I hear. A beautiful render from a longing soul. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
~michael the depth from which you write never ceases to amaze me. we ask for more, you give us more! this piece right here is my favorite of yours, and trust me that was no easy task. you write with such gosh even the word inspiration doesnt cover what i want to say. so i will simply shut my mouth lol and say i loved this!! take care amy ~Live today as though it were your last but prepare for tomorrow as though it were here~ |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Alwye, extremely unique is something I think I strive for... glad you enjoyed. jbouder, I must admit your reply surprises me, although pleasantly. I am glad this one "works" for you - I too felt it to be one of my strongest pieces, even with the unusual format. Kess, pain can be so exquisite at times, no? Nicole, glad you love the "obscure" in me... there's plenty there, believe me. Will gladly continue working new rhymes schemes for you - so long as I can find the inspiration dear, Throw me some, would ya?Marge, Indeed it's what isn't visible on the surface of this poem that make it what it is... You've read into this one well. Amy, this became a fast favorite for me as well. This truly reveals the soul, albeit in an obscure fashion me thinks. I'm so glad you found this one so enjoyable. Thank you all for the kind replies. Michael |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Michael ... what can i say about this? This is a fine piece of work with layers of meaning ... your rhyme scheme and meter are exceptional and your talent for imagery and bringing the reader to see the world through your eyes is very fine, indeed. Thank you for sharing yourself and this poem. doreen |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
A silver chain - a locket, A time piece in my pocket... I carry with me everywhere I go. A dream cast - a shadow, By moonlight's silver glow... I wander from a dark and dreary past. A bleeding tear - fading rose, A silent scream, tempest froze... I linger by the sun in shades of gray. A prism dawn - a sphinx, A witches spell, a hex, a jinx... I walk alone the distant shards of pain ------------- An albatross - a crucifix, Who dares now cross the River Styx... A specter of the shade by darkling voice. Golden rings - flesh ripped fingers, Yet this sacred virtue lingers... Memory's measure, Charity's swift decline. ------------- Helpless to Fate - known adversary Of this timepiece I yet carry... On my chain of silver tears never cried. ---------------------- you make this all look so easy *smile* perfect rhyme and imagery here M, I love the cryptic --read between the lines essence of this... it has a mystical quality about it. and its a window on your soul, for sure. yes, this is destined to be one of your "classics"... though how you'd ever pick--I dont know... they are all perfect to me. how about an ~S~ word SUPERB!! and SMILE take care poetice genius jm ~as always, Take Care,JM~ -------------- I know it's been a long road To get these towns behind me and I Will gladly reap what we may sow-- I am there for you ... and you're there for me ... Are you waiting for Heart in hand Woman and man See me where I stand I am Heart Heart in hand ~vertical horizon~ |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Micheal, I am almost tempted to ask if you have made a deal with the devil....lol You always write so exquisitely, No matter the topic. This is a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing. All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Well, Michael, I see you are writing in a different style than what I have seen of your work ------This is powerful, and reads very well. Keep on writing, Michael, you work is that of a professional It's a keeper! netswan |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Michael: You shouldn't be surprised (although I am glad it was pleasantly surprised). I merely sensed that you put more effort and care into the writing of this one and I thought it was a better reflection of your talent than those I have read in the past. My comments are always about the poetry, Michael, and if I think it is really strong stuff I say so. Thanks for the opportunity for the read and the reply. Jim |
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