»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
Two Lovers finding danger in every place, but with each other...They are safe.
»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
Two Lovers finding danger in every place, but with each other...They are safe.
| Open Poetry #7 |
|
Two Lovers finding danger in every place, but with each other...They are safe. |
|
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
october's juniper has fallen, measured, down to me, a swirl's trajectory; dismally i stared, and conspired with the blanketing ground. to interject, and be-snatch you... i see a swimming, composing swift waves, doppleganger. burning trees around alter-egos seeking shaded congruency. faux. strike a mistake. indigo gel melts with a dripping sky and air cuts my ear, resounds do some gracefulness with, as i, myself, your's to fall forever, ever fading and falling, severed, staining cryptic photochrome. pinch the Moabittess in folds of hazy cellophane plus the fogging of our serene scape; a sudden flash... an other-worldly minute, please. bring into future the appeased past. huff. the planets move. sweet fall. descent; swing low grasp my grasp your grasping my grasp. air clears and sky awaits us, to ascend our descent liquid covers frosty film beg. transparency: open curtains faded, enter step into still frame remove lost acquaintance strike a gesture, then a pose. how milky. white and serenely soft. i swim. A true novice of a man when it comes to being a man at something... |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Rounder - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
? |
||
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Brandon, I have to agree. . . ---------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
||
|
Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
I'm with sven........ although now that you've added that last part its much clearer than before? Very creative I think. You should put this in the forum CA, I'd like to see their comments. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
october's juniper has fallen, measured, down to me, a swirl's trajectory; dismally i stared, and conspired with the blanketing ground. -------------- indigo gel melts with a dripping sky and air cuts my ear, resounds ------------ an other-worldly minute, please. bring into future the appeased past. huff. the planets move. sweet fall. descent; swing low grasp my grasp your grasping my grasp. air clears and sky awaits us, to ascend our descent liquid covers frosty film beg. transparency: open curtains faded, enter step into still frame remove lost acquaintance strike a gesture, then a pose. -------------- brandon, this is a very cool poem, it has a mystic and cryptic uniqueness about it. while I will be honeset to say, Im not sure I entirely grasp what your trying to convey here... it is still a very interesting read with strong imagery and detail. perhaps you could offer me some clarity to your inspiration or meaning behind this. (not that it has to have any...Im just curious) please take notice that I did not use the *L* word one time in my reply  ~as always, Take Care,JM~ -------------- I know it's been a long road To get these towns behind me and I Will gladly reap what we may sow-- I am there for you ... and you're there for me ... Are you waiting for Heart in hand Woman and man See me where I stand I am Heart Heart in hand ~vertical horizon~ |
||
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
thankyouall! thisisthemeaningofthispoem: ipicturemeandanother,mylover, andwearetravellingfromplace-to-place insearchofloveandsecurity, butevrywherethereisdanger, fromthetarpitstotheblueswamp, veryprehistoric,youknow? anditissupposedtoconveyafeelingofdesire andwarmthforsecurtiy. |
||
|
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
youknowbrandonithoughtthatthatwasitbutyouknow iwasntreallysureimeanwithallthewordsthatyou usedandallbutnowthatyouvetoldusallireally thinkthaticouldgetusedtothis --------------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
||
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
is there anything blatenly wrong with this piece? |
||
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
Sven, thankyou...iamglad to freeup something in this poeticrealm. byusing toomanywords, whatwasmeant? p.s. i 'L' not seeing the 'L' word! (just kidding) |
||
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
? |
||
|
brandondinsmore Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 142OKC, OK |
janet marie, i likeyourinsight. very well perceived. i shall take it into account for revision, thanks. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
Two Lovers finding danger in every place, but with each other...They are safe.
