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Open Poetry #7
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Please Read And Tell me What You Think (forever Gone)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Please Read And Tell me What You Think (forever Gone) |
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KAEMJS New Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 1 |
THERE ONCE WAS THIS GUY WHO SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET.HE SHOWED ME THE ABILITY TO LOVE AND HOW IT FELT TO BE LOVED. I FELT LIKE I WAS LIVING A DREAM. I USED TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING IN HIS ARMS OR TO HIS CALL.I NEVER WONDERED ,I NEVER GUESSED AND I NEVER DOUBTED, I KNEW THAT MY DAY ,TODAY,TOMARROW AND FOREVER WAS GOING TO BE GREAT,AND SURPRISING AND A NEW REASON TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM ALL OVER AGIN.I NEVER FELT LIKE I DIDNT DESERVE THIS OR THAT IT WASEN'T REAL. I BELIVED FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I COULD BE AND I WAS HIS DREAM,HIS LIFE ,HIS EVERYTHING AND ONCE I HAD THAT AND FELT THAT I COULD BREATH.I TOOK THAT FEELING AND LOCKED IT UP IN MY HEART EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY AND WENT ON LIVING.I HAVE NEVER FELT SO FULIFIED AND SO HAPPY. I OPNED MY HEART MIND AND SOUL TO HIM.I WANTED HIM TO BE ABLE TO LOOK INTO MY EYES AND HEART AND KNOW,KNOW ALL THE ANSWERES TO ALL THE QUESTIONS AND DOUBTS WITHOUT EVEN ASKING,BECAUSE ONCE HE LOOKED INTO MY EYES HE'D SEE THAT NOTHING AND NO ONE MEANT MORE TO ME OR COULD COULD COMPARE TO THE LOVE I FEEL FOR HIM,AND ONCE HE SAW THAT HE COULD BREATH. IT'S STRANGE THAT ALL I'VE DREAMED ABOUT ,ALL I'VE EVER WANTED I FEEL LIKE I'M NOW LOSING IT ALL.AND NOW I DONT KNOW WHERE ITS GOING ,OR HOW TO GET IT BACK OR HOW TO FIGHT FOR IT. HIS ARMS ONCE HELD ME TIGHT AND MADE ME FEEL LOVED ,SAFE AND SECURE AND WHEN HE HELD TIGHTER I FOUGHT HARDER.THAT WAS MY GET A WAY FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD.IT DIDNT MATTER WHERE WE WERE I ALWAYS FOUND MY WAY TO HIS OPEN ARMS, AND THEY WERE NEVER CLOSED UNLESS I WAS IN THEM.BUT NOW AS THE DAYS TURN INTO MONTHS AND THE MONTHS TO YEARS, I FEEL THAT HIS ARMS ARE COLSED AT TIMES AND MY BIGGEST FEAR IS THAT ONE DAY THEY'LL BE CLOSED FOREVER AND I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO OPEN THEM AGIN AND EVERYTHING I BELIVED IN AND LOVED WILL BE FOREVER GONE.~ |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Since you asked, I will tell you.... All caps is hard to read....as is the format..if this is a poem, I like to see it more structured..though it doesn't have to be..if it's prose, it probably should be in the prose forum. You've posted several poems within the space of a few minutes and are not getting many replies. We try to read every poet's work, but since most of us are limited in the time we have online, it's hard to read several posts from one person....so.. Welcome to the forum..please let me know if I can ever be of assistance to you..  |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Really hard to read, But welcome to passions. Please be patient most of us don't have enough time to read more than one post from the same person at one sitting. All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
I know how this must feel, you have expressed your pain well, Enjoyed the poem... WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Well as for the structure of the poem, I have to agree with Poet Devine. The caps are hard to read and there is no structure. It reads like a prose. As for the content, there are times when we try to hold on to something when we should be letting go. I am not saying let go of the love but let the person fly free. If you love completely but let the person lead their own life, only good things can happen. Don't cling, talk. Don't smother, let be free. Don't be desperate, love. I hope this helps.  If you would like some help with the structure of this piece, please feel free to e-mail me. |
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
Hi KAEMJS Cheer up girl! This is heartfelt and I didn't see the style or nature of writing. It reminded me of something I felt the same way with my girl and love forever. We never demand anything from each other except love and trust , which is shared so truly and freely. Hence, I narrate a small story. It reminds me of days spent with my one and only love, when we were so fresh and didn't care what the people around us really think of us. We went on to study in different places and rarely we met. I always did something cheeky during those times. I used to hold her photos which were taken atleast 3 years before and stare at her face quite long. There were only 3 of them in the closet and they filled my days,can you believe that. I'll never say it because people may mistake it for obsession, but for me it was always a beautiful remembrance. Also I showed myself to the world a kind of god-father type figure,which I'm not,thats OK, as I had my own reasons. Whenever I met her she became the world to me. I really didn't care what the people around us think of us as I didn't see any of them except her! I guess we lived in our own world where we saw thro' each of us. She used to tell me all her dreams and fantasies.You see, she's a fantastic girl and nothing can match her. I really yearned to be in her dreams sometimes, as she occupied all of mine. She was innocent, now she has grown into a beautiful lady, and she needn't say that she loves me. I can look at her eyes and say that she did and she also felt the same. You should see that delight in my face and her face which is hard to write but strikingly beautiful like her. Then under some circumstances, the fault was mine totally, we began to see some differences which didn't really existed. I was a li'l possesive abt her. I want her to undersatnd that she means so much to me and I love her so much. I'll just take sometime to understand the intricacies of it. Then, we were trying to push eachother far apart saying we're not that kinda friends anymore, but only to fall closer again and again. We know that we've to see through each other totally again & share the darkest secrets, if there are any, and fall in love the same way as we did. I've always been sorta open-book type and I think I really have to invent something like that to share with my love. But I'd like to hear everything from her,her happiest moments,her friends, her pains etc. You see, I love her so much. Its so perfect we're for each other and I'm sure we're going to see thro' each other again and love again and never to break again. I've narrated a small story and I'm sorry if I've wasted your time. Also thanks for reading. You putforth something which I wanted to say exactly the same way. Thats why in my over enthu my feelings ensued. Sincerely A_L |
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