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Steel World

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Dusk Treader
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since 06-18-99
Posts 1231
St. Paul, MN


0 posted 04-25-2000 06:01 PM       View Profile for Dusk Treader   Email Dusk Treader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Dusk Treader


Steel world
Unfeeling machine
Grinding gears
Metallic fiend

Hate scream
Annihilate weak
Poisoned mind
Demonic peak

No soul
Spirit massacre
Weeping wreck
Ravaged slayer

Pain wail
Destroyed Destroyer
Human heart
Hollow valor

One tear
Conceal agony
Unknown hurt
Steel society



 Abrahm Simons

"...Watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose" - Trent Reznor, "We're in this Together"



[This message has been edited by Dusk Treader (edited 04-25-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Abrahm Simons - All Rights Reserved
Jeffrey Carter
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since 04-08-2000
Posts 2424
State of constant confusion!


1 posted 04-25-2000 06:08 PM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

This is the first I have read from you hope to see more. Great writing.

All my love,
Jeffrey
Daysleeper
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since 04-23-2000
Posts 120


2 posted 04-25-2000 08:45 PM       View Profile for Daysleeper   Email Daysleeper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Daysleeper

Dusk Treader-

I like this. It's harsh, but it's got a pounding beat throughout it, that gives it the feel of exactly what you're talking about.

...Daysleeper...


 "Presently I've had enough of all your sanity." -James Kavanaugh
Denise
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since 08-22-99
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3 posted 04-25-2000 09:10 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very good, Abrahm. I can 'feel' these words.

Denise
Alwye
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since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


4 posted 04-25-2000 09:58 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

Awesome abe!  And you said you couldn't write poetry...*hrmph* Extremely intense, cutting emotions here.  I do indeed hope you feel better now then when you wrote this.  Poetry tends to bleed the emotion out of you, however (or thats what happens with me).  Exellent work my friend, keep it up!  

 *Krista Knutson*

As soon as man does not take his existence for granted, but beholds it as something unfathomably mysterious, thought begins.
~*Albert Schweitzer*~
Dawn Eclipse
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since 01-31-2000
Posts 640
The Horsehead Nebula


5 posted 04-25-2000 10:28 PM       View Profile for Dawn Eclipse   Email Dawn Eclipse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dawn Eclipse

Most awesome!  Mwa hahaha... very good!  Loved the form as well.  You should post poetry more often!

 "It is in our aloneness
that we recognize our oneness,
even as the single droplet of water
knows also that it is the sea."Daniel

*Cassie Roseen*


Christopher
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since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


6 posted 04-26-2000 02:09 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

HEY! What a way to make a poetic entrance my friend! Oh yes, loved the "steel society!" A LOT!!!
Dusk Treader
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since 06-18-99
Posts 1231
St. Paul, MN


7 posted 04-26-2000 04:07 PM       View Profile for Dusk Treader   Email Dusk Treader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dusk Treader

Thank you all for commenting!  

Denise, Jeffrey, Daysleeper, Cassie - many thanks for your comments  

Krista - I felt much better after writing this... much more purging than a story.

Chris - Thanks Chris!  This wasn't exactly my 'poetic entrance,' but let's just forget about my other attempts...  


 Abrahm Simons

"...Watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose" - Trent Reznor, "We're in this Together"

Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


8 posted 05-07-2000 10:47 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I have to agree with all the above Abe. When you put your pen to poetry you have an amazing final product. Never feel you don't have the talent for poetry because you do my friend. Aching, dark thoughts come through well on this piece.  
Silkdragon
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since 06-24-2000
Posts 66


9 posted 07-14-2000 12:53 AM       View Profile for Silkdragon   Email Silkdragon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Silkdragon

GOOOOD!!!!  I hate you Abrahm!  If I ever hear you say that you're no good at poetry again, I swear I'm going to beat some sense into you.  This was excellent, you're mentality strikes me as being very similar to mine.  I like the harshness.  Very nice!

Erin
 
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