Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
'Twas such a gorgeous morning and the sun was shining bright
The kind of morn that makes the world and everything just right
The kind of day that makes a man feel glad to be alive
And so I thought it would be nice to take a little drive.
I was walking to my Studebaker parked just down the street
When a voice screamed, "THERE ARE HOMELESS WHO DON'T HAVE A THING TO EAT!"
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO RID THE WORLD OF THIS CRUEL POVERTY?!"
I turned and saw a bony finger pointing straight at me!
"Well, sir", I stammered, "here's a dollar if this helps you out....."
"THERE ARE MILLIONS", he yelled, "FAMILIES WHO HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT!
THEY LIVE IN CARDBOARD SHANTYS, FLOORS OF DIRT, NO CLOTHES TO WEAR...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO EASE THE PAIN THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO BEAR!?!?!"
"Uh, well, I donate to charities and projects for the poor...."
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE..", he went right on, much louder than before,
"...TO SAVE OUR FRAIL ENVIRONMENT AND PROTECT OUR HARDWOOD TREES
FROM THOSE CRUEL VILLAINS WHO KNOCK MOTHER NATURE TO HER KNEES?!?!"
"er, I always recycle. See, I've got this separate bin....
I separate the plastics and I always put them in....."
"AND WHAT ABOUT THE WHALES BEING SLAUGHTERED ENDLESSLY???
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SAVE THEM FROM THIS SENSELESS TRAGEDY????"
"I...I really feel bad for them..", I said in whimpering tone
With fervent hopes that this old guy would just leave me alone.
I hadn't done a thing to save the whales or the land
And now, because of me, these things were really out of hand!
Yet, still the old guy screamed, "WHAT ABOUT THE OZONE LAYER?!
IF WE DON'T CLEAN THE AIR UP QUICK THIS WORLD AIN"T GOT A PRAYER!!"
Oh no!, I thought. I'd used hair spray...a can of aerosol!
Who knows what things I might have done to make that layer fall!
"SAVE THE SEALS!!" he proclaimed. "GIVE MORE JOBS TO TEENS!
WE MUST PROTECT THE SPOTTED OWL! THE RIVERS MUST BE CLEANED!!
THE JUNGLES DEEP IN AFRICA ARE RUNNING OUT OF GAME
AND, IF THIS NONSENSE DOESN'T STOP, I'M HOLDING YOU TO BLAME!!!"
The drive forgotten, to my house with fevered haste I sped
Turned out the lights, took off my clothes and quickly jumped in bed.
Thanks to that old-timer's ramblings I could clearly see
The world was going straight to hell....and all because of me!