How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #7 Archive
 Guilty of Innocence
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Guilty of Innocence (child abuse awareness)

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


0 posted 04-20-2000 08:46 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Guilty of Innocence

I had my share of guilt,
guilt for looking too many times in the mirror,
guilt for not being a better person,
guilt for the secrets I kept.

My head always pounded
as though God was seeing
into my sinful heart.

Behind the memories
the memories of tetherball,
cowboys and Indians,
games of ping pong
and the friendly squeak of the porch swing,
was something sinister,
something I couldn’t talk about
to anyone, not even God.

In my memory I can still see the house
and I can hear my grandmother
imitating the mocking bird’s call,
"Cheer-up, cheer-up", she’d call to the sky
and the walnut tree.

An enormous thing happened to me
in that house, behind the innocence
of lemon aid and cracking walnuts open
with the old nut-cracker,
so enormous that it cowered
in my memory
and refused to come out of hiding.
Its secret so enormous that
it paved every pathway I took
trying to avoid it.

The enormous thing
was grandfather’s visits
to that back bedroom,
that fore-poster bed,
late at night
when mocking birds are sleeping.

I had no words for
or knowledge about the things he did.
He touched me with his foul hands
and breathed on me breath
tainted by his own corruption.

So, at nine I would recite
The Lords Prayer each night.
I felt like I was walking
through "the valley of the shadow of death"
and I was very afraid of the evil
that I recognized there.
"Deliver me from evil," I prayed.

How could I be delivered from it?  
I had come to believe
that the evil was me.
  
I have had much forgiving to do.

Like blowing leaves down the street,
my memories pass.
But, like a horror movie
about hell, I see the re-run
again and again as the wind circles
to pass it by me once more.
Each time the cracks
that were made in my heart bleed
and each time I understand more.

I can look directly in my mirror now.
There are no more secrets.




[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 04-20-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Martie Odell-Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Dawn Eclipse
Senior Member
since 01-31-2000
Posts 640
The Horsehead Nebula


1 posted 04-20-2000 08:51 PM       View Profile for Dawn Eclipse   Email Dawn Eclipse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dawn Eclipse

That was a very emotional poem.  I enjoyed it very much.  It shows that there are many problems in our society these days, but none of them are the victim's fault.  There are a lot of people that need to realize that.  THanks for posting a wonderful poem for me to read!

 "It is in our aloneness
that we recognize our oneness,
even as the single droplet of water
knows also that it is the sea."Daniel

*Cassie Roseen*


Songbird
Member Elite
since 12-15-1999
Posts 2211
California


2 posted 04-20-2000 09:18 PM       View Profile for Songbird   Email Songbird   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Songbird's Home Page   View IP for Songbird

This really has me speechless, you presented the picture of child abuse so well. Not a pleasant story but one more people need to understand so they can keep a watchfull eye on the children of today.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 04-20-2000 09:46 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

An enormous thing happened to me
in that house, behind the innocence
of lemon aid and cracking walnuts open
with the old nut-cracker,
so enormous that it cowered
in my memory
and refused to come out of hiding.
Its secret so enormous that
it paved every pathway I took
trying to avoid it.
------------------

even when you write of the most painful event in your life it is a thing of beauty...
you have such a gift.
I can not find the words to express my emotions about this poem...
so I will simply say thank you for your courage and sharing your talent with us.
take care martie-girl,
jm

 Well the sun sets gently on your shoulders
And it makes me want to touch you there.
And the light in your eyes makes me feel
Like there's something much better out there
Something kind...
And I know someday I might be looking around
Trying to find some purpose
Well purpose it can't be that hard to find
As long as I've got the wind...
The wind and your love to carry me.
vertical horizon


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


4 posted 04-20-2000 10:13 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Martie,
I cried all the way through this one.
I can't think about your poetry, only about the little girl who couldn't look in the mirror without seeing guilt. This is such a cruel horror,no matter how you tell it. I always want to know the truth, but it hurts to know this kind of truth about a dear friend. It breaks my heart.
Liz  
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


5 posted 04-20-2000 10:50 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

The evil and guilt is not yours. I hope that you and any other child that has to endure this realizes that in time. Thankyou for sharing this my friend. ((hug))
Marina
Member Elite
since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


6 posted 04-20-2000 11:13 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

Martie, I felt the pain and emotion all the way through this one.  Another sad but true poem for our cause.  Thank you so very much for posting this.  I feel this may not have been easy for you.  Hugs.

Marina
Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member
since 08-26-99
Posts 1064
northern mountains, Idaho


7 posted 04-20-2000 11:16 PM       View Profile for Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Email Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rosemary J. Gwaltney's Home Page   View IP for Rosemary J. Gwaltney

Reading this, my eyes widened, and goosebumps appeared on my arms, and I remembered my big boy cousins taking me to the barn loft ... Martie, no one dares speak of these things - this challenge this month here has me wondering if even I might dare ...  and I am so sorry.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


8 posted 04-21-2000 12:08 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

This was difficult for me to write--thank you for your loving responses.
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


9 posted 04-21-2000 12:34 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

Martie~
So hard this must have been to post, I'm glad you did though. Every word sent shivers through me and I hope you someday are totally relieved of the pain and torture this must have put you through.
HUG~
Tracie~


 Keep all the windows of your mind open
Anne Rooks

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


10 posted 04-21-2000 10:39 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Thank you, Tracie
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


11 posted 04-23-2000 12:22 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Martie~
You know you've had my hugs for a long time.
Hugs again.
You are beautiful.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


12 posted 04-23-2000 12:31 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I feel your pain in this, Martie. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry too for all the pain that any child suffers at the hands of an abuser. I read a few of the challenge poems but had to stop due to a depression that was settling over me. It is a very difficult subject. You've expressed it very well.

Denise

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 04-23-2000).]
netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


13 posted 04-23-2000 12:33 AM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

Martie, how did I miss this one
painted so lovely the child's pain
in innocence taking the blame?

It sounds like the healings done, and
I am so happy for that.

Thank you for sharing this.
A great contribution to childhood
abuse and the "secrets" there.

Hugs from netswan
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


14 posted 04-23-2000 01:08 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Marge--you were the first one at passions to extend your loving hugs...thank you still

Denise--I know how hard these were to read--I had trouble myself--thank you for this loving response

Hugs back to you Netswan
ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


15 posted 04-23-2000 04:05 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Martie, your words chill my heart...I pray that you overcome the evil inflicted upon you. I am so sorry you had to go through that...so sorry.

Love and hugs(plenty of them),
Lizzie


 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


16 posted 12-09-2002 04:16 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


There are no more secrets....
Martie will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #7 >> Guilty of Innocence Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors