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Open Poetry #7
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Guilty of Innocence (child abuse awareness)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Guilty of Innocence (child abuse awareness) |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Guilty of Innocence I had my share of guilt, guilt for looking too many times in the mirror, guilt for not being a better person, guilt for the secrets I kept. My head always pounded as though God was seeing into my sinful heart. Behind the memories the memories of tetherball, cowboys and Indians, games of ping pong and the friendly squeak of the porch swing, was something sinister, something I couldn’t talk about to anyone, not even God. In my memory I can still see the house and I can hear my grandmother imitating the mocking bird’s call, "Cheer-up, cheer-up", she’d call to the sky and the walnut tree. An enormous thing happened to me in that house, behind the innocence of lemon aid and cracking walnuts open with the old nut-cracker, so enormous that it cowered in my memory and refused to come out of hiding. Its secret so enormous that it paved every pathway I took trying to avoid it. The enormous thing was grandfather’s visits to that back bedroom, that fore-poster bed, late at night when mocking birds are sleeping. I had no words for or knowledge about the things he did. He touched me with his foul hands and breathed on me breath tainted by his own corruption. So, at nine I would recite The Lords Prayer each night. I felt like I was walking through "the valley of the shadow of death" and I was very afraid of the evil that I recognized there. "Deliver me from evil," I prayed. How could I be delivered from it? I had come to believe that the evil was me. I have had much forgiving to do. Like blowing leaves down the street, my memories pass. But, like a horror movie about hell, I see the re-run again and again as the wind circles to pass it by me once more. Each time the cracks that were made in my heart bleed and each time I understand more. I can look directly in my mirror now. There are no more secrets. [This message has been edited by Martie (edited 04-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
That was a very emotional poem. I enjoyed it very much. It shows that there are many problems in our society these days, but none of them are the victim's fault. There are a lot of people that need to realize that. THanks for posting a wonderful poem for me to read! "It is in our aloneness that we recognize our oneness, even as the single droplet of water knows also that it is the sea."Daniel *Cassie Roseen* |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
This really has me speechless, you presented the picture of child abuse so well. Not a pleasant story but one more people need to understand so they can keep a watchfull eye on the children of today. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
An enormous thing happened to me in that house, behind the innocence of lemon aid and cracking walnuts open with the old nut-cracker, so enormous that it cowered in my memory and refused to come out of hiding. Its secret so enormous that it paved every pathway I took trying to avoid it. ------------------ even when you write of the most painful event in your life it is a thing of beauty... you have such a gift. I can not find the words to express my emotions about this poem... so I will simply say thank you for your courage and sharing your talent with us. take care martie-girl, jm Well the sun sets gently on your shoulders And it makes me want to touch you there. And the light in your eyes makes me feel Like there's something much better out there Something kind... And I know someday I might be looking around Trying to find some purpose Well purpose it can't be that hard to find As long as I've got the wind... The wind and your love to carry me. vertical horizon |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Martie, I cried all the way through this one. I can't think about your poetry, only about the little girl who couldn't look in the mirror without seeing guilt. This is such a cruel horror,no matter how you tell it. I always want to know the truth, but it hurts to know this kind of truth about a dear friend. It breaks my heart. Liz |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
The evil and guilt is not yours. I hope that you and any other child that has to endure this realizes that in time. Thankyou for sharing this my friend. ((hug)) |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
Martie, I felt the pain and emotion all the way through this one. Another sad but true poem for our cause. Thank you so very much for posting this. I feel this may not have been easy for you. Hugs. Marina |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Reading this, my eyes widened, and goosebumps appeared on my arms, and I remembered my big boy cousins taking me to the barn loft ... Martie, no one dares speak of these things - this challenge this month here has me wondering if even I might dare ... and I am so sorry. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This was difficult for me to write--thank you for your loving responses. |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Martie~ So hard this must have been to post, I'm glad you did though. Every word sent shivers through me and I hope you someday are totally relieved of the pain and torture this must have put you through. HUG~ Tracie~ Keep all the windows of your mind open Anne Rooks |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thank you, Tracie |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ You know you've had my hugs for a long time. Hugs again. You are beautiful. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I feel your pain in this, Martie. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry too for all the pain that any child suffers at the hands of an abuser. I read a few of the challenge poems but had to stop due to a depression that was settling over me. It is a very difficult subject. You've expressed it very well. Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 04-23-2000).] |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Martie, how did I miss this one painted so lovely the child's pain in innocence taking the blame? It sounds like the healings done, and I am so happy for that. Thank you for sharing this. A great contribution to childhood abuse and the "secrets" there. Hugs from netswan |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Marge--you were the first one at passions to extend your loving hugs...thank you still Denise--I know how hard these were to read--I had trouble myself--thank you for this loving response Hugs back to you Netswan |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Martie, your words chill my heart...I pray that you overcome the evil inflicted upon you. I am so sorry you had to go through that...so sorry. Love and hugs(plenty of them), Lizzie "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
There are no more secrets.... |
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