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Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263


0 posted 2000-04-19 01:37 PM



Body Memory

Why did you pull away? he asks.

After all, isn't his the most
loving touch I've ever known?

What's the matter, baby? he asks.
Have I hurt you? Did I say something?

I see the confusion mingled with
devotion, mingled with respect,
mingled with need to express
his love to me.

No, it isn't you, I say.
It's just me.

As I wait for him to leave.


© Copyright 2000 Meadowmuse - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2000-04-19 01:46 PM


Claire--this is a powerful scene--one that I understand too clearly.  Well done!!
Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
2 posted 2000-04-19 01:49 PM


Meadowmuse, this is something no one has yet touched upon.  It is a very sad thing ,perhaps those who have not suffered abuse my not understand.  After abuse both men and women have difficulties maintaining a romantic relationship, friendships, or even work enviroments. We tend to through fits of anger and jealousy for no apparant reason, and get physically ill easier then most.  Thank you very much for sharing your post and contributing to our cause.  Challenge well met.

Marina

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

3 posted 2000-04-19 02:09 PM


really clearly and painfully written...hugs
RSEvans
Senior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 1147
Tulsa, OK, USA
4 posted 2000-04-19 02:55 PM


A whole other aspect of abuse...the aftermath...  Any of us who were lucky enough to survive childhood are luckier still if we did it not despite our parents, but because of our parents.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

5 posted 2000-04-19 03:20 PM


Martie...thank you for reading. I'm sad that you understand this, but grateful that we can share through our words.

Marina...yes, the effects of abuse last...and last...even when we think we've overcome. Healing can take a lifetime.

Corazon...thank you. ((youtoo))

RS...yes, very true. Thanks for reading.

~ Claire


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2000-04-19 03:43 PM


I knew I would be moved by what ever I found when I clicked on it...knowing things--previously shared...
and indeed I was... by your honest and emotional image of the scars that sometimes never heal...I understand... and I know you do too.
I'm sorry that any of us do...but always grateful for each others words and quiet company...
take care, jm

 Well the sun sets gently on your shoulders
And it makes me want to touch you there.
And the light in your eyes makes me feel
Like there's something much better out there
Something kind...
And I know someday I might be looking around
Trying to find some purpose
Well purpose it can't be that hard to find
As long as I've got the wind...
The wind and your love to carry me.
vertical horizon



Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

7 posted 2000-04-19 06:33 PM


Janet Marie, I know you know. (((you)))

Thank you for reading this today. I'm just finding myself at a real loss for words today in this forum. As we say, healing takes a lifetime. It's an every day struggle, I guess.

Claire

netswan
Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369
Washington
8 posted 2000-04-19 06:47 PM


Meadowmuse - this is so touching --and
a very powerful message indeed, Ouch.
This forum is filled with fresh tears
and old tears all mingled into one.

I am absolutely amazed how many poets are
coming out to share - past pain that lingers
still.  

Thank you for sharing these difficult
things.

And, I also am having a hard time reading
and writing on this subject.  --

I just want to hug your pain away.


netswan



JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2000-04-19 06:56 PM


This reminds me of my very first girlfriend...when I would hold her and kiss her she would start giggling and laughing and act nervous.. I ask her to try not to do that because it made me feel like she was laughing at the way I held her or kissed her and it ruined the soft mood.  She later told me the reason she acted this way was due to an uncle molesting her when she was younger.  James
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA
10 posted 2000-04-20 12:05 PM


How horrible when someone's first experience of physical "intimacy" ruins it for them for the rest of their life.  Don't the abusers realize that they are taking much more than just the moment?  They are taking the child's future as well.
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
11 posted 2000-04-20 03:21 AM


This is going back up!! good one!
netswan
Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369
Washington
12 posted 2000-04-20 03:34 AM


I have already posted my response to this
touching poem.  This is to answer
Tara's question.
Tara, people who do these things are very sick and most, if they have a conscience
at all, do not remember, or care.

To those whose first intimacy was harmful.
I wish I could post what I want to say,
but this is an open forum - I guess
I can disguise it someway

Most molestation abuse is done by men, but
I know a girl who was saved by CPS and
her sisters from two sexual abusers their
father and sadly to say THEIR mother.

So, it is not just men who do these things.
But, there are so many men with loving
hearts that would die if they thought
they have hurt you in anyway. Intimacy is wonderful when shared by two people who love each other - with consent by both parties.

Hope this was okay for the forum.

netswan

WhiteNite
Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241
Montgomery, AL
13 posted 2000-04-20 03:38 AM


Wow... were you a fly on the wall at some point in my life?  I swear I've heard these very words before.  I can truly Empathize

 "Don't let your character get camoflaged with your environment.
Find who you are and let it stay in its true colors." --Rachel Joy Scott

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
14 posted 2000-04-20 08:15 AM


Someone very close to went through something sililiar to this.  It was horrible for her.  Sometimes she would just break out into tears in the middle of lovemaking.  The emotional toll of her childhood molestations has never relented.  life and love for her are hell.  Your poems touches deeply.  Thank you for sharing.


Michael

Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
15 posted 2000-04-20 05:36 PM


BTT
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

16 posted 2000-04-20 08:01 PM


netswan, thank you for reading this and for such understanding words. I do think of myself (as well as each one of us) as a survivor. This challenge has certainly brought about some wonderful sharing, hasn't it?

James, yes, molestation can interfere with the most loving relationships. To overcome it, one faces what is generally the most difficult challenge of one's life. Trust is completely out of reach for so many, but with work and God's Grace, it can be attained.

Tara, yes, it is horrible. And whether the perpetrators realize it or not, they continue to shame, molest, harm, and kill their victims' bodies and spirits.  Thank you for reading this and sharing.

A Romantic Heart, thanks.  

WhiteNite, any time these words are spoken, it is sad, indeed. Thank you for reading and sharing.

Michael, thank "you," my friend. I know you can understand.

Jeffrey, thank you...

~ Claire





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