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Passions in Poetry

S.O.S(a series of Haikus for Marina's challenge)

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kaile
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since 02-06-2000
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singapore


0 posted 04-19-2000 12:45 PM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for kaile

S.O.S

SLAP!
Angry roars pierce like
Loud hard slaps across my face
I cower in fear

Under The Bed
I peer hesitantly~
Painful hit from Dad's large cane~
I bleed profusely

In Agony
Heavy downpour falls~
Drowning in its murky depths
Please Lord,where are you?

all comments welcome   ")
if i may ask:what do you interpret "angry roars" as?thanx



[This message has been edited by kaile (edited 04-19-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
Marina
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since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


1 posted 04-19-2000 01:40 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

Kaile, I like the style you use here.  It is very short and comes right to the point.  Thank you for posting to our cause.  Challenge well met!

Marina
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 04-19-2000 06:01 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

powerful images spoken in so few words..
very good work K,
I hadnt seen Haikus done like this before.
take care, jm

 Well the sun sets gently on your shoulders
And it makes me want to touch you there.
And the light in your eyes makes me feel
Like there's something much better out there
Something kind...
And I know someday I might be looking around
Trying to find some purpose
Well purpose it can't be that hard to find
As long as I've got the wind...
The wind and your love to carry me.
vertical horizon


Marge Tindal
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3 posted 04-19-2000 07:36 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Kaile~
Beautifully done on such
a poignant subject.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


kaile
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4 posted 04-19-2000 08:31 PM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

Marina--glad that you think i have met the challenge well ")

JM,thanx for your comments.this is something new(never done this b4)and am delighted that you like it

Marge,your praise just warms my heart ")

Joannak
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since 03-11-2000
Posts 121
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5 posted 04-20-2000 11:03 AM       View Profile for Joannak   Email Joannak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Joannak

kaile,  you never have to ask me if I have the time to read your material, I look for it constantly.  This piece has a very different style, but it is very effective. As for your angry roars, I interpret them as thunderclaps, but I can see other inferences, also.

Agony, for me
Thinking of your pain, hidden
Silencing your voice.

Joanna


 What better way to become immortal than to wake up each day and write? Ray Bradbury


Dennis L. White
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since 02-17-2000
Posts 1462
Michigan, U.S.A.


6 posted 04-20-2000 11:43 AM       View Profile for Dennis L. White   Email Dennis L. White   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dennis L. White

Kaile,
  These are sad but very well written!
                              Dennis :^)

 Moonbeams radiate
As the veiling cloud has past
Playful shadows dance!

D.L.White :^)
INclan
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since 07-20-99
Posts 1046
Indiana, USA


7 posted 04-20-2000 11:55 AM       View Profile for INclan   Email INclan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for INclan

Kaile,

These are very interesting.  I am not familiar with Marina's challenge but I suspect it concerns abuse. Before discussing the poetry, I thought the plural of Haiku was Haiku.

SLAP!

Angry roars, to me sounds like words hurled with force.  I know words can be more painful than any physical slap. A slap may injure the body but a word can injure the spirit (soul). This strikes me as verbal abuse.

Under The Bed

A person bleeds in more ways than just blood. When a person, for who's approval you desperately strive, slaps you down, the pain cuts deep. The level of fear which drives a child under a bed is not a good thing. My second daughter, at age 4, dialed 911 and the police responded.  She hid under the bed, afraid they would take her to jail.  I found that I had a fair amount of spiritual rebuilding to do before begining to instruct.
This could be interpreted both ways, as physical and/or mental abuse.

In Agony

This strikes me as the downpour of tears from crushing frustration...drowning in its murky depths. The dispare is made all the more poignant by the final plea. Excellant writing!


Overall, I find these three haiku focused and well written. The secret to Haiku is to limit your subject and distill what you want to say down to the essence.  Having only 17 syllables to work with, words can not be wasted. You have certainly been successful here. You should be justifiably proud of your work. I look forward to reading your work in the future.

Best Regards,

INclan

p.s. This type of "more in depth" analysis is usually reserved for the "Critical Analysis" Forum.  However, since you asked, I am happy to critique your work here.
Denise
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8 posted 04-20-2000 03:03 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very well done, Kaile!

Denise
Marina
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since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


9 posted 04-20-2000 06:15 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

back you go...with thanks

Marina
kaile
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10 posted 04-21-2000 07:07 AM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

Joannak,yes,i meant angry roars as thunder first but when i looked at it again,i thought it could also mean as the yelling and shouting of the abuser

lovely senyru from you too...thx ")

INclan,thank you so much for the wonderful critique of yours.... ") i'm sorry you have spent so much time on this....but your insightful comments are a great ego-booster and serve to make me more determined to write better haiku/tanka/senyru ")

Dennis:thx for ur sweet comment!

Denise:thanx you for coming all the way from the corner pub to have a look at this...i'm honoured that u are willing to spare the time on my work..... ")

Marina,nice gesture of your ")
Mon Cherie
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Land of Never-ending Summers


11 posted 12-05-2001 12:58 PM       View Profile for Mon Cherie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mon Cherie

This series of haikus seem to be so agonising! First with a slap and then with a cowering with fear. It starts to think what a kid goes through these days. How better parenting would lead to better kids. *sigh*  

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

 
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