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Open Poetry #7
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Awakened (Tanka)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Awakened (Tanka) |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
awakened by birds my mind slowly begins to turn cuddled by thoughts of you the memory of our last kiss still lingers on my lips |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
WOW!!! INclan the memory of our last kiss still lingers on my lips ...Beautiful!!  What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Yowsers....this is incredible SO much passion voiced in 24 words...lovely |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
'Sigh' .... Wonderful, INclan ..... "This is where you will win the battle .... in the playhouse of your mind." Maxwell Maltz |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
INclan~ I like VERY much. Absolutely lovely. Thanks for the e-mail. Keep smiling. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Joannak Member
since 2000-03-11
Posts 121Indiana, USA |
INclan, you have inspired me. < !signature-->On the rim of sleep, thoughts nibble at the edges. I wake to your kiss. (Sigh) I just love mornings.... Joanna What better way to become immortal than to wake up each day and write? Ray Bradbury [This message has been edited by Joannak (edited 04-18-2000).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
OK, INclan, you've got me counting, and if I understand Tanka right, this piece is off a little, correct? Is this a test for me? I count 5-8-6-7-7. If I understand the rules, it is 5-7-5-7-7. No red pen here, but if I am to enter into Tanka, then my mentor must speak! BTW, like the picture it presents... |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
so romantic is this, the remeberance of a kiss!:0 |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Thank you all for your kind respoonses. Dark Angel, I am glad you liked it. Ruth, I guess I am just a passionate fellow.  Thanx, Pepper. Marge, I value your opinion more than you know. Joanna, we seem to be inspiring each other lately. I hope someday to write Haiku like you do.  Sunshine, you are quite right. Now that I count, the syllables don't fit to 5-7-5-7-7, but it was the only way to make the poem fit together. Please keep in mind, I had just woke up....give me a break (LOL). Romantic Heart, a lot can be said in a kiss. Don't you think? Thank you all again! INclan |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Wait with bated breath~ Our lips finally lock~ Passionate deep kiss~ Two tongues merging as a whole~ Yucks!your mouth stinks of bad breath! LOl...i hope this brings a smile on your face ") BTW,i think yours and Joannak's attempts are simply wonderful ") i'm sorry to bother you but if you have some time to spare,will u mind looking at the post "S.O.S--a series of haikus for Marina's challenge"?not many people write haiku/tanka here and i shall love to hear your comments.... ") warning:this post is buried deep goodness knows where ") |
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