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Passions in Poetry

Brighter Blue

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Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


0 posted 04-17-2000 08:08 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Effigy

It appears nighttime has fallen.
Stay true to wasted days.
Listen softly someone is callen,
trying to find their way through the haze.

Life seems one big performance,
with a strange off beat melody,
canít choose with who you dance,
and tomorrowís tales are yet a memory.

Sometimes see you when Iím sleeping,
haunted by the twinkle in your eyes.
I often have thoughts of leaping,
right off the bridge to clearer skies.

I wish there was someway of going,
where love didnít have to fade,
but I havenít a way of knowing,
the grave where that knowledge is laid.

Wish I could tell you,
that youíd always get your dreams.
But Iím afraid dreams donít always come true,
and Fate is not as gentle as she seems.



 understanding is misunderstood
© Copyright 2000 Effigy - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


1 posted 04-17-2000 09:30 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Effigy~
This is lovely and quite profound at the same time.
May you always find a brighter shade of blue
Welcome to Passion's
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


FairyEyes
New Member
since 04-17-2000
Posts 7
Louisiana


2 posted 04-17-2000 10:12 PM       View Profile for FairyEyes   Email FairyEyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for FairyEyes

Lovely. I can most clearly glean from your rhyme and word placement the meaning behind this poem.

 ~If eyes were made for seeing, then Beauty is its own excuse for Being~
RW Emerson
" I'll paint you mornings of gold, Ill spin you valentine evenings..." *JARETH*

lucky
Senior Member
since 01-17-2000
Posts 1648
Idaho


3 posted 04-18-2000 04:57 PM       View Profile for lucky   Email lucky   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lucky

I love the second stanza...


Life seems one big performance,
with a strange off beat melody,
canít choose with who you dance,
and tomorrowís tales are yet a memory.

Hits a very real note. well done
mercer
New Member
since 04-18-2000
Posts 2


4 posted 04-18-2000 05:07 PM       View Profile for mercer   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for mercer

wonderful. I feel as if you stole the words out of my mouth.
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


5 posted 04-18-2000 05:54 PM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

I have found the best way to make dreams come true is to wake up and make an effort to tip the balance of fate.  A person can let life happen, or made things happen. It's all in one's ATTITUDE. (unsolicited opinion)

Effigy, this poem was well written i thought.
good use of rhyme.  It has that less than suttle "sting" that i have read before in your work.  There is a stark reality to your writting that shows much expression.
forne_marin
Member
since 04-13-2004
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina


6 posted 04-15-2004 11:57 PM       View Profile for forne_marin   Email forne_marin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit forne_marin's Home Page   View IP for forne_marin

"Brighter Blue" is a great poem, but you really need to work on the rhyme scheme. You're strength is your images and your vocabulary. You know I like your poetry, but meter is one of your biggest weaknesses. Rhyming Poetry is a very unforgiving art. "Brighter Blue" is a lyrically beautiful poem, but the rhyme scheme is very distracting for the reader. If you'd like, I'd be glad to suggest some alternates to try to smooth some of your meter out. Great Poem, but needs work still.
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