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Open Poetry #7
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Brighter Blue
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Brighter Blue |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief 
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It appears nighttime has fallen. Stay true to wasted days. Listen softly someone is callen, trying to find their way through the haze. Life seems one big performance, with a strange off beat melody, can’t choose with who you dance, and tomorrow’s tales are yet a memory. Sometimes see you when I’m sleeping, haunted by the twinkle in your eyes. I often have thoughts of leaping, right off the bridge to clearer skies. I wish there was someway of going, where love didn’t have to fade, but I haven’t a way of knowing, the grave where that knowledge is laid. Wish I could tell you, that you’d always get your dreams. But I’m afraid dreams don’t always come true, and Fate is not as gentle as she seems. understanding is misunderstood |
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| © Copyright 2000 wes wiggins - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Effigy~ This is lovely and quite profound at the same time. May you always find a brighter shade of blue Welcome to Passion's ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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FairyEyes New Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 7Louisiana |
Lovely. I can most clearly glean from your rhyme and word placement the meaning behind this poem. ~If eyes were made for seeing, then Beauty is its own excuse for Being~ RW Emerson " I'll paint you mornings of gold, Ill spin you valentine evenings..." *JARETH* |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
I love the second stanza... Life seems one big performance, with a strange off beat melody, can’t choose with who you dance, and tomorrow’s tales are yet a memory. Hits a very real note. well done |
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mercer New Member
since 2000-04-18
Posts 2 |
wonderful. I feel as if you stole the words out of my mouth. |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
I have found the best way to make dreams come true is to wake up and make an effort to tip the balance of fate. A person can let life happen, or made things happen. It's all in one's ATTITUDE. (unsolicited opinion) Effigy, this poem was well written i thought. good use of rhyme. It has that less than suttle "sting" that i have read before in your work. There is a stark reality to your writting that shows much expression. |
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forne_marin Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140Spartanburg, South Carolina |
"Brighter Blue" is a great poem, but you really need to work on the rhyme scheme. You're strength is your images and your vocabulary. You know I like your poetry, but meter is one of your biggest weaknesses. Rhyming Poetry is a very unforgiving art. "Brighter Blue" is a lyrically beautiful poem, but the rhyme scheme is very distracting for the reader. If you'd like, I'd be glad to suggest some alternates to try to smooth some of your meter out. Great Poem, but needs work still. |
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