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Open Poetry #7
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Haiku [and correct me if I didn't do it right...]
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Haiku [and correct me if I didn't do it right...] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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keep you from all harm thrill you with all of my charm enfold you, safe, warm. < !signature--> Sunshine Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 04-17-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Sunshine, Be it lover or child, the haiku is wonderful. You might have one extra syllable in the first line. However, keeping to a strick 5-7-5 is NOT required. Great job. INclan |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Hi ya Sunshine! How in the health are ya?...I like your addition here....can't critique for sure cuz I have no idea about them Haiku's and stuff.....hell, I'm just now gettin' used to makin' things rhyme....and that ain't but just occasionally yanno?.... |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
I am by no means a haiku afficiando, but this poem sounds very pretty to me.  ~ Claire |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Inclan, once you pointed it out, I saw it right away, but I don't know what to stick in there instead, to get it to what I want to say... TOE! I'm doing fine, and in health no decline, but instead, doing and fairing well, like a feline frisky with a new bell!... Meadowmuse, your not being an afficianado is by no means a regulation, if you enjoy everyone's creations... Sunshine Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Sunshine, DON'T change a thing! INclan |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
INclan - O-Tay! |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
I like this, Sun .... I'm with INclan; Don't change a thing !  "This is where you will win the battle .... in the playhouse of your mind." Maxwell Maltz |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Pepper - oops - already "mildly edited" because my muse said so... Thanks! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sunshine~ You are certainly coming along with these. I like your thoughts. Let 'em flow. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very nice, Sunshine! Denise |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Sun~ Now all you need is a proper title. How about "Sunshine Delight" ? bboog |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Marge, thank you for all of your assistance...these are quite enjoyable... denise, so glad you like... bboog...great title! Thanks for the input!... Sunshine Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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