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Corner Pub #2

Death of a Witch

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

0 posted 2004-01-02 12:06 PM

Old grey faces in the sun
wonder what the world has done
To leave their time so far behind
dont you worry its all fine
Voices in the night that call
for your voice to breach the wall
Deadly nightshade for a head
leaves you tired in your bed
Hearts of darkness beat she said
soft last words that fell like lead
Old grey faces you can see
after they're gone inside of me

[This message has been edited by wintertao (01-03-2004 01:12 PM).]

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

1 posted 2004-01-02 04:13 PM

I enjoyed this one. In the last line, shouldn't it be 'after they're gone' ? Also, I always have trouble with 'its' and it's, but I think it might be supposed to be it's in the fourth line.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

wintertao
Member

since 2003-11-17

Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL

2 posted 2004-01-03 01:13 PM

yes, thank you, covered one of the many days I ditched my English class no doubt.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-01-03 02:23 PM

sad write here, but sweet

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

4 posted 2004-01-07 06:32 PM

Emotion over English I think but we English think we own the language and we can therefore bypass the emotion.

Dave

Sparticus
Member

since 2003-11-15

Posts 245

5 posted 2004-01-08 09:34 AM

Sad write. Even in English class, they said, don't be a slave to English when writing.

Jesse

Even with insects-
some can sing
some can't

-Issa
http://www.geocities.com/amanaman3/Jessepoems.html

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