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Sour Grapes
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Sour Grapes |
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junemac Senior Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 1005uk 
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hello my friends. i just got back from a lovely weekend trip but missed you all. here i write a poem ( and where it came from i dont know lol )I am not very good at punctuation so if you have any comments it will help. hugs n stuff to you all xxxxxx june xxxxxx SOUR GRAPES I swallowed your syrup of sugared words you sweetened them to perfection. The bitter taste of emptiness concealed in your confection. I could have taken your deadly pill What gave you the right to lie ? You crush my heart then trample on it Did you expect me not to cry ? You should have ended it sooner your honey masked words were a waste For you left no beautiful memory Just a bitter sweet aftertaste |
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| © Copyright 2003 june macfarlane - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
June~ This seems to be a painful emote~ Hope it isn't depictive of your weekend away? You did beautifully on the punctuation. The 'only' little typo I see (and ONLY because you asked) is perhaps that bittersweet should be one word ? Glad you're back~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Oh this is very good writing JuneMac. I am glad it just came to you and you have not been betrayed in this manner. I think we tend to take each other's poetry at face balue and sometimes we just write because we are inspired to do so. Love, Joyce |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
junemac: I enjoyed this and especially so, knowing you just had a nice week-end and this was something that popped into your mind and not a real life experience. Betty Lou Hebert |
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midnightblues Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597Singapore |
Dear June, wow! i can relate to this, very well as a matter of fact! Hugz Michelle If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™ |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Major ouch... so very well written. *S* |
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idleeyes86 Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 64Somewhere over the rainbow |
I usually find the only time you need to worry about punctuation is when you delberately want to control the pace of the poem, your poem in that way doesn't need it, the wording paces itself. In relation to the poem itself its definately backed up the idea that all the best poetry just comes to you, you can see it in this poem it doesn't seem forced it just flows. |
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junemac Senior Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 1005uk |
Thank you to everyone who not only read this but took the time to comment. i rather enjoyed writing this and it really isnt anything i have experienced ( well not for a long time anyway lol ) i really am delighted that you liked it and feel happier with it now. so thanks again :0) xxxxx june xxxxxxx |
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