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Koko's Rhythm
New Member
since 2003-06-05
Posts 4
NJ, USA

0 posted 2003-06-05 05:03 PM


hello... thanks for reading this (if you continue to the poem that is...)  I like getting comments saying what people like, but I find that it's more important to find out what isn't working.  So... feel free to be brutal as well as kind.
thank you

-ryan Beckman


SASE


Sunnyside eyelids, up around noon-
mixed with last night’s sensual cooking.

Don’t play with your food,
although, the Gingerbread man didn’t seem to mind.

Gummy bears
Hollow rabbits
Animal crackers
beheaded because anything less gruesome
would be uncivilized.

Ingestion indicates
tongue turned envelope
with self-sealing saliva
folding back down,
letting acid run names
past your voice box
into the pit.  

Wipe the remainder
with clotted tissues
to be folded & mailed
in the morning.


© Copyright 2003 ryan Beckman - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
1 posted 2003-06-05 07:34 PM


Welcome to Passions Ryan...
Much enjoyed your first post.
Please check your email for a special greeting.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
2 posted 2003-06-06 01:11 AM


Welcome to our corner.  I'm not sure what your're saying, butyou're saying it well.  Joyce
midnightblues
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597
Singapore
3 posted 2003-06-06 06:50 AM


Errr i, too, like Joyce, don't really get what u're saying, but welcome!!

Love
Michelle

If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind
4 posted 2003-06-06 05:05 PM


would you mind explaining to me what you mean?

Welcome! I'm sure you will find a place here, to stay and to love.

Eliza Simmons
~Every girl has a dream within.
~Yesterday insult, today gain.

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
5 posted 2003-06-07 01:50 PM


Welcome...enjoyed your words...

believe in what your heart feels...

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2003-06-07 07:19 PM


KoKo~
I don't do much open critiquing, so I'll just say Welcome to the Corner Pub~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
7 posted 2003-06-07 07:19 PM


Most interesting write, well presented but a little bit of a puzzler - clues please.
Koko's Rhythm
New Member
since 2003-06-05
Posts 4
NJ, USA
8 posted 2003-06-07 10:10 PM


  Hello... first off I’d like to thank everyone for being so kind & open.  It’s a really friendly atmosphere and that’s pretty cool.  
Aside from that... I won't really go too much into it with this particular poem... but in the future I’ll give little hints about the subject.  I’m all over when it comes to “style” and some of my poems are metaphors about previous versions of the same poem so there would literally be no way for the reader to know what specifially I’m talking about… and others are very straight forward… I just try to vary as much as I can… or feel.  
Sometimes I try to keep myself from engaging the topic too much and ostracizing the reader who would have been able to relate on the "core" emotional level, but can't because of the examples/images/subject I use.  At times it works surprisingly well... other times not so much.  I always want the reader to "get" what I’m saying... I have the mindset that any interpretation is right, as long as it's what the person got from it and not something they're saying because it's what I meant.  I don’t know… everyone’s take on poems/poetry is so different… it’s weird… but also the greatest thing.  

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