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Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand

0 posted 2003-01-22 04:37 AM


This poem is in its raw state, an absloute newborn, so any suggestions for improvements / edits are welcome.

Prices Slashed

She came to us that afternoon
with a proud demanding meowl.
She swished her tail
and made us look:
‘see Mum, two birds!’
Two baby sparrows,
one live one dead –
a thoughtful gift.
I thought she was the Devil.

I called the live one ‘Prices Slashed’
and kept him in a rabbit hutch.
I didn’t sleep at all for fear
he wouldn’t last the night.
Three loving days we spent
then I slept in
and Prices died.
“He would have died
anyway.” Mum said.
And as I screamed at him and pounded on his arms
my brother let the cat into the cage.

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

© Copyright 2003 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
1 posted 2003-01-22 10:15 AM


Oh yes!!!! The CAT sagas continue. What a rotten brother. Interesting read. Thank you.
Trillium
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098
Idaho, USA
2 posted 2003-01-22 01:02 PM


Lynne:  What a painful experience for you to have.  I always wanted a brother, but maybe I was lucky!

Betty Lou Hebert

pegasus111
Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219
ocala, fl, usa
3 posted 2003-01-23 07:05 AM


brothers can be cruel in youth but usually wind up best friends in adulthood. as for cats, well, it is their thing to bring home little gifts. this may be a rough first write but it is effective.

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost



Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
4 posted 2003-01-24 09:19 PM


Please don't blame your brother.  The bird was already gone and it was the cat's prey.  Nature in the raw, boys and cats are born that way.  Love, Joyce
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
5 posted 2003-01-26 07:51 PM


Thanks all!
Well, you have to admit thought Joyce, it was pretty unthinking of him..
Pegasus - yes, My bro and I are good friends now, (even though I'm not an adult yet..   

Okies, thanks for reading.. yeah, a lot of ppl are writing about cats!! It's hard not to really, they are such cute little companions..

Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^

Love - Lynne

jamesjiao
Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon
6 posted 2003-02-01 05:22 PM


Hi,

Was that Paul or Steve? Paul most likely. Didn't know he used to be so cruel. Such a shame being his friend

So what happened to Prices Slashed later?

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.



defenestrate
Junior Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 46
nc, us
7 posted 2003-02-04 03:04 PM


the ends of each of the two stanzas really strike something in me-very nice.

edited to make the word conjugations sound vaguely educated.

[This message has been edited by defenestrate (02-04-2003 03:05 PM).]

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
8 posted 2003-02-04 08:00 PM


Yeah, that was Paul, James..
Well, I buried Prices Slashed in the rose garden.

I'll never forget how he died though - I just got up too late, and I guess I starved him to death, because he wouldn't take food from anyone else.. I didn't know birds had to be fed so frequently, so sleeping in 'til 11 was too much for him

Thanks defenestrate, I'm glad I affected you! Pleased you liked it

-Lynne


kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
9 posted 2003-03-12 12:55 PM


hey, you have been writing!

I'm curious: why Prices Slashed, a supermarket sale slogan as a name?

[This message has been edited by kaile (03-12-2003 12:57 PM).]

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
10 posted 2003-03-12 07:53 PM


Hehe.. well, because he was going cheap when the cat got him..
Thanks Kaile... Yeah, I have been writing a bit more lately, because I have some TIME this year. It's fantastic!
I've just finished one called The Voice, which I'll post soon..

Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^

Love - Lynne

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