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the stoop laborers
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the stoop laborers |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA 
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the stoop laborers are picking strawberries again hunched over like puking old men loosely stapled across a rippled green and brown field the gray morning's sparse raindrops tap loudly on straw hats baseball caps aching umbrella backs and a blue plastic tarp stretched safely over a brown baby's bed i (fighting a hangover) seem to blend in... bent and spilling, retching wretched similes and putrid cliches in my search for a small heart-like berry [This message has been edited by Packratmike (edited 05-14-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Mike Powers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I like your picture of strawberry fields and the activities going on there, however since I never had a hangover, I am not understanding your third stanza very well other than the similaries of bending over.. does the heart shaped strawberry represent your love life perhaps.. I know you are probally laughing at me now for being so naive. I enjoyed the poem nevertheless. |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Our strawberry fields are not ready yet, but I can hardly wait. Many of the laborers who come and pick berries, stay to find better jobs and to meld into our society. This is their start towards the good life and since the labor laws forbid our young people to go out and pick for us, these nice people take their place. Our berries are all for fresh amarket as they are too filled with sweet juice to send off but the time will come when farmers will have to quit because labor is getting scarce and dear. Then what berries we have will be those we labor for in our own gardens. Bless their little bent over bodies and their great souls. Joyce |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
I love the ending you have put to this piece, Mike. It says a lot. Thanks. Billy  "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I enjoy the fruit of your labor, Mike! Excellent writing! |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Songbird...I would never laugh at anyone who reads, interprets and takes with them their own personal meaning from a poem. When I write a poem, I realize that as different people read it, they may draw from it different meanings. When I read a poem, I'm sure that I often misinterpret the poet's intent but still, I can be touched by it and enjoy it. So don't worry....I do appreciate your comments regarding what you feel my poems represent. Thank you. Regarding the third stanza....Last Saturday, I stopped by a McDonalds and picked up some breakfast. Across the street there is a strawberry field that was being worked. As I sat in my car eating and nursing a nauseating hangover, I watched the workers and began working on this poem. My head was hurting, my stomach was upset so the first two stanzas seemed to reflect from my illness that morning. When I came to the third stanza, I pictured myself hunched over my pen and paper searching through groups of words just to find the perfect phrase(s) I wanted to write. So, "my search for a small heart like berry" was just my search for the right word(s) to put down. Hope that makes sense. Joyce...how grueling a task, working fields like that. Don't think I could ever do it. Yes, we should all bless and respect them for what they do. Billy...Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.*S* Denise...Thank you. The funny thing is, I have allergic reactions to strawberries.LOL Mike |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
I liked this a lot! I can remember picking strawberries one summer when I was 16 and it was back-breaking, tedious, work. I didn't know if I'd make it through the first day. Each day was a tiny bit easier, but the people who do this every year, sure earned my respect! The following summer, I decided to pick green beans instead and wound up with sun-stroke. That was the end of my "pickin' days! Betty Lou Hebert |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Thank you, Betty...glad you liked this. It's funny how we give so little thought as to how the food we eat, gets to our tables. Mike |
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Panne447 Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196S.A. TX |
Mike, I have some questions but 1st let me say I liked this - have read it 4+ times now & ea time I saw the painting in the fields like a masterpiece but is that what the laborers are called 'stoop laborers'? If so, why? Do you know? The title brought me in - in the east a stoop is a step - people go out & sit on the stoop - & no, I don't know why they call it that - slang I suppose. I was thinking maybe they were originally called 'step laborers' for some reason & it became stoop or did you mean the 'stooped' laborers? As for the 3rd verse, I thought you actually joined in for a moment to pick the strawberries for your personal use because of "seem to blend in" - I did not see you writing I saw you thinking as you picked. I was wondering if 'spilling' is necessary here - bent and retching etc but for what are you spilling at that point? & what about keeping the thought(3rd verse) pure while still keeping with the theme of the laborers -as in i, (fighting a hangover) seem to blend in... bent and retching wretched similes and putrid cliches in my search for the perfect, ripe word or i, (fighting a hangover) seem to blend in... bent and spilling on the page wretched similes and putrid cliches in my search for the perfectly ripe word to fill my need. See what I mean? Does that make sense - I hope this gives you something to think about, let me know if I missed something or if there might be something to what I am trying to say - I may not be doing it well- it is late and I am thinking unclearly... Anyway, I loved this idea and subject matter and I felt the heat and the pain of bending over the job in the sun. Did a lot in PA & in NJ & a bit in San Diego & San Jose AND do it all the time in my own garden wherever I lived. Let me know what you think - feel free to email me. Panne |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Panne...In California, some of the farm workers are called "stoop laborers" simply because they are constantly bending down to pick the produce. That term has been around for years, at least in this area. As I wrote the third verse, I did actually picture myself in or directly next to the field, hunched over my paper retching similes etc..blending in with the bent puking old men. I do agree with you that spilling is not necessary and will remove it from my final copy. (You confirmed my suspicion about that word.) "a small heart like berry"....I feel that does describe the "perfect ripe word(s)" I'm searching for. It is late though, so I'll have to give this some more thought and email you. Thanks so much for your comments and suggestions, you know I really do appreciate them. Glad you liked this. Mike |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Thanks for your explaination, I understand it better now, and a good poem does leave words for the readers imagination and understanding and this does that. |
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Red_Feather Member
since 2001-01-19
Posts 131The Vagabond Sea |
I personally liked the use and placement of the word spilling. If an elimination is in order i would cut out retching, but that is just me. A serious "day after" can be a strange and surreal experience. Reading this triggered the memory of waking up years ago in a parking lot that was nameless....until i crawled out of the car...looked up and saw Devil's Tower staring down at me. I did not live nearby, of only that was i sure. One's not half two it's two are halves of one EE Cummings |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Songbird...Thank you, I don't mind explaining my poems but I do write some poems leaving at least a bit open for individual interpretation. Actually I probably leave a lot open at times, but that's not a bad thing.(IMO)LOL. Red Feather....Thank you for your comments. The more I think about the last section, the more I believe I will let it stand as is for the time being because of the "blending in" line. Me spilling and retching similes while "in my search for a small heart like berry" I feel blends the writing aspect more closely to the stoop laborers' work. Panne's suggestion that I use "ripe word" to me seems to somewhat weaken my attempt. I'm not sure if this makes sense...it's just something I feel about this one. Would love to hear more about Devil's Tower.(LOL) Mike |
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