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Open Poetry #8
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Lonely ( I don't really care for this title...)
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Lonely ( I don't really care for this title...) |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA 
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My head turns as I feel my body tremble My breath stops in my throat My eyes life upwards to see you smiling Your laugh echoing throughout the room What is this hold you have on me? I struggle to tear my gaze away. But my eyes have a will of their own You laughter… your velvety voice seeps Across the room, dancing in my ears Making me cringe with memories The familiar sting of salty tears Burns my eyes, burns my pride. I look away angry at myself Frustration surges though my body I wonder why my heart can’t let go Do you miss our intertwined lives? Do you lie awake in the black of night? Curled in a ball….feeling lonely and scared? Are you afraid of never discovering The love that used to consume us? I push up on my shaking legs, standing I look back at you one last time As I slowly walk out the door Ache and emptiness filling my injured heart |
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| © Copyright 2000 Tara Baldridge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
rosepetals25.... I liked this one, even though it is a bit sad, but then...love always has it's sad moments, too. I think 'Lonely' is an appropriate title, and the only thing I might try is this.... "Lonely,...are you?" ~~ To Live is to Give ~~ |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Sunny - Thank you for your suggestion.. I like that better than Lonely. I am never happy with my titles that I give.. lol  |
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juliet_2u Senior Member
since 2000-07-23
Posts 1125North Carolina |
Absolutely beautiful. This brought back moments I've had just like this. And asking myself the same question, "why can't I let go"?...As far as the title goes maybe that would work for ya....Why Can't I Let Go....or maybe, My Heart Won't Let Go. No matter the title though this is excellent. Best wishes, Juls [This message has been edited by juliet_2u (edited 07-29-2000).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I've felt these same feelings...even though you are not necessarily alone you feel alone...partically because you know that someone in your life doesn't share the same feelings for you that you have for them....I call this predicament...Feeling lonely alone...James |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This truly is the silent voice of loneliness--the aching and longing much apparent...Nice work here, rose... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
rose, I would have to agree with my good friend serenity when I say that your feelings are quite apparent here. . . you express them well. . . ----------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Juliet - Aww..thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you liked it. James - I have been in that position myself. It is not a easy place to be but I found my way out. It is a place where alot of not so happy poems come from. I hope you find your way out soon. Serenity and Sven - Thanks to both of you I'm glad you stopped in to give it a look. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
I think lonely is the title to stick with... you have versed it well and the title says what it is and no more and that is as it should be. Sad write but penned so well. |
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Michael G Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 579Nashville |
very well written, and your verse! I love it.... keep the title, it works ..... |
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EWDrake Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183NC, USA |
rosepetals25, one can almost taste the tears. Looking back a bit with lament creates too often the most moving of verses. Too bad the words ring not as true sans the sad incentive...sighhhhh. Very moving. *S* EWDrake |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Mark - I'm still undecided about the title.. but perhaps I will keep it Lonely. For me choosing the title is the hardest part of writing..lol Michael - Thank you so much your kind words. EWDrake - Thank you for taking the time to read my post And welcome to Passions  |
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T McCoy Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186 |
awesome, awesome writing rosepetals! Lonely is a good title...I know what you mean about that being the hardest part... 'Empty' might work too.... Maybe even 'I'm gonna pay someone to kick your ass'...dunno...just a thought hehehe Tony |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
rosepetals25, A sad poem very nicely written, glad that I stopped for a read. |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Tony - Hehehe.. That title may work..lol. I'm glad you liked it Bill - Liking your writing as much as I do, I greatly appreciate your compliments. Thank you |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Hi, Great read so lonely and sad how about "As I Slowly Walk Out The Door" for the title? just a suggestion |
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ddgoose Member
since 2000-07-25
Posts 250Baltimore, MD, USA |
Rosepetals Very sad poem, and many of us have been there and experienced the same feelings. You penned them well. Your title is great, but the only one I could come up with is "Alone Am I" |
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Toddles Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 396New Orleans, Louisiana |
Rosepetals: Again I am in awe of the depths of your heart and talent! |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Jeffrey - Thank you for stopping in for reading and for suggesting a title ddgoose - I was going to say unfortunately everyone has been there in there life.. but I think it is a learning experience. I am stronger because of it. Thank you for your kind words. Toddles - What a sweet thing to say! Thank you. You made me blush btw... hehe.  |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Another Day Ending I look towards the setting horizon Another ending to another day The sun gracefully fading Slipping into its ritual slumber The sky, however, begins to slowly awaken Soft pastel fingers reaching outwards Delicately decorating the skies The colors gradually diminishing Giving way to the velvety blackness of night Stars brightly shining, like eyes from heaven Gazing down on us from up above And for a subtle way to brief moment There is a peaceful hush that settles Over this hectic existence we call life |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
OK... can you say ooops?  That was suppose to be a New Topic not a reply. ~chuckles~ |
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Spirit2572 Junior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 15 |
What a powerful peice of poetry! I can feel the pain radiating off the page. Spirit2572 |
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