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Open Poetry #8
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rosepetals25
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since 2000-05-31
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0 posted 2000-07-28 09:46 PM


Frustration surging

Flowing through my veins
I try to resist the hook you bait
Trying to run away.

Anger spouting

Growing stronger.. larger
Close to reaching out of control
Trying to calm myself.

Hurt stinging

My pride taking the hit
I defiantly hold my head up high
Trying to hide the pain

Regret showing

My heart sorrowful
My eyes shining with remorse
Trying to plead with yours

Alone again

My soul stumbling
The frightful loneliness spreads  
Trying to consume me



© Copyright 2000 Tara Baldridge - All Rights Reserved
rosepetals25
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1 posted 2000-07-28 09:48 PM


Ooops.. sorry about the double post.. my computer froze and I must have hit it twice....
Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
2 posted 2000-07-28 10:26 PM


rosepetals25...
      
             I like this one a lot..it's
      showing the full circle of love's
      emotions. How about...."Full Circle"?
             Anyway, this was great!!



~~ To Live is to Give ~~


beowulf_26
Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 183

3 posted 2000-07-29 01:29 AM


Nice.  I definetly like the choppy feeling and many of your phrases, especially "stumbling souls".  If I did anything to revise it I would just make it a little more lucid.

Opinions are like bellybuttons: eveybody's got 'em and they're good for nothing.

T McCoy
Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186

4 posted 2000-07-30 06:06 AM


hmmmmmm......how about "here I am" or something like that.  There's so much emotion to it.  You didn't use a lot of words but I read it 4 times.  I hope the inspiration isn't very recent.  
                   Tony          

- we're stuck...inside our own machines...apparitions - Matthew Good

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
5 posted 2000-07-30 06:12 AM


I liked this alot, read it twice.
A title Mmmm how about "sorrows regret" or "sorrow is regret" ???
Anyway I liked it, hope you come up with a title soon

Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Spirit2572
Junior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 15

6 posted 2000-07-30 12:50 PM


How about just Emotion for a title? It sums up the poem pretty well.. you did a great job showing emotion we all feel during the battles of love.

Spirit2572

rosepetals25
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7 posted 2000-07-30 01:01 PM


Sunny1 - Thank you. You always say the the nicest things    And thank you for your title suggestion.

Beowulf, Tracie, and Spirit - Thank you all for suggestions and comments   I will take them all into consideration.

Tony - Fortunately, the inspiration is from the past. I was reminiscing about times left behind and this came out.  As of right now.. I'm happy  .  Thank you for you suggestion for a title.  

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
8 posted 2000-07-30 01:05 PM


Powerfully written Rosepetals! Your emotions flowed well within this verse. Well done!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

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