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Open Poetry #8
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Red Rain
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Red Rain |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Red Rain Would you like a cold glass of ice tea, she asked as the sun descended into a sky that looked like white silk. He stayed drinking ice tea as shadows fell on the day and then he was drafted walking hand in hand he told her and turned off enchantment. They were promised to each other with long and passionate letters. Killing was not in him and he was sick from the fear of it. He had seen his friend turn in the middle of a laugh into a land mine and disappear, after that he kept to himself afraid friendship would breed more pain. Then it was his turn. As she turned the bed down his last moments were in her Technicolor, in the trenches watching the quiet of the morning, she could hear a song bird and her love’s loud breathing and a frantic heart beat was it his was it hers? Be still she said but he was running towards the top where death was then the hill exploded like red rain. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Oh my gosh, this is so hurting. Martie, you did a great job in the description. Very sad.  Elizabeth Why ME??? |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Martie, I cannot find the words to describe the poem that you have just posted. The following words have to be close to the most intense words I have heard! "then the hill exploded like red rain". Whew, you sure activated some of the emotions that I have in me. |
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Hardrock Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948New Hampshire, USA |
Oh Martie..You have no idea how close to truth you have come. Lots of emotions here...lots of memories. It hurts...but it helps. Thank you...Hardrock |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very sad, very powerful, Martie. Me thinks this is definitely one for 'the book'. Excellent. Denise |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
sighing and remembering, Martie...the title is strong...the words so meaningful...just a very well done poem.. ~~soft hugs Maureen |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Sometimes you paint tooooo well. I loved this and it hits home real hard. Well written my inspirational friend. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Elizabeth--I know it's sad and I thank you for your kind reply. Bill--I know the feelings are intense for some poeple and I sure don't want to hurt...war should not be put away, but talked about...especially the feelings that are left behind. Hardrock--I'm so glad it helps...thank you for letting me know, and for the inspiration. Denise--thank you for thinking of the book, but...me thinks I already have too many sumitted. Maureen--Thank you for your kind words Mark---thank you for your reply, especially the "my friend". |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Martie, the emotions and feelings in this poem are so intense that it seems hard to know what to see. Powerfully written. THe last line is both beautiful and devastating at the same time. "A frog, it cannot comprehend the sea Nor me happiness" Paul Draper-Mansun |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I think you've touched a few hearts on this one, my friend... Good writing, as usual... |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Oh Martie you have squeezed the tears right out of my heart....what tremendous insight into the internal conflict affecting such ones.....and what a conclusion...simply wonderful.......ethome.. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ You've touched the nerve of recall with vividness of thought. 'As she turned the bed down his last moments were in her Technicolor, in the trenches watching the quiet of the morning, she could hear a song bird and her love’s loud breathing and a frantic heart beat was it his was it hers?' A powerful read, my friend. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Exceptional poetry Martie. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
brian--I wondered if I should post this poem, and your comment makes me glad I did...thank you. Nan--It came from the heart and if it goes to the heart...then it's done its job. ethome--thank you for the wonderful reply. Marge--thank you for being such a good friend! Hi Mike--thanks for stopping by to read and for the great reply. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Such a poignant poem, Martie, with a mother of a finish, too. Corinne |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Too hard to comment on this one, Martie, except to say wonderfully done... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Corinne and Balladeer--thank you for reading this corinne and for the poignant and deer, thanks for letting me know that you were here. |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
true to your good form, Martie ... interesting piece ... a thinker ... i like |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
Martie, I'm sorry 'bout reply-ing lately... I'm just to scrambled... I am still reading though and this was very touching... Your as deep as ever... I love ya. Dale |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
Vivid and powerful! God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown |
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Tess Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 288Australia |
These are beautiful images "a sky like white silk" a great poem Thanks for sharing  "Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule."~ Samuel Butler ~ |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
A flashback that touches even those who can't imagine what war looks like. As sensitive as it is, this is so well written, it should be published and I hope you consider it for the book. Those who have been in the schene you describe will know that others are aware. How you can find the words to describe such events, I will never know. Liz |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
MA--Thanks, thinking is good! Dale--thanks for letting me know that you're still reading...Can I have some bacon with your scrambled! Love ya Eagle One--Thankyou so much for the reply. Tess--I'm glad you liked the images...thank you for reading and for the reply. Liz--thank you always for your belief in my writing and for being so sensitive. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Stunning and vivid imagery Martie! Your closing had such incredible impact on this difficult and emotional verse. Amazing writing! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Martie, sorrowful it is... but then the fact itself is a form of expression ain't it? very well written...thanks for sharing regards, sudhir |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Everyone should have a chance to read this one Liz |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kit and Liz--thank you so much for reading and repling to this poem...Liz, the poem everyone should read is the one that inspired me to submit this one, it is in Dark Passions, called Lonely Old Man by Hardrock. |
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