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Passions in Poetry

Marooned...

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


0 posted 07-24-2000 12:09 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Loneliness crawls like a serpent fanged,
Tentacle-hooded crawling with sharp arms,
Into mournful mountains, a loner sang,
With tears harvested from life's farms.

Unheard in solitude, are stinging strains
The loner's melancholied harping melodies
From a faraway hill top in singled pains,
A goat away from his herd, wailing parodies.

Out in an unexplored world, but in obscurity,
Free from ungainly bindings, but imprisoned,
Held captive in a lonely soul's woeful city,
Filled with pain felt to extremes, unreasoned.

From the pages of the book of a loner,
No words jump out, for there are none!
What could one write about a lone runner,
Marooned, a ship in high seas, unable to run!

=!=


Death, be not proud, though some have called thee,
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

- John Donne




[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 07-24-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


1 posted 07-24-2000 01:25 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

Read it 3 times.
Still thinking on it......
serpents-mountains-hills-seas--
unexplored world- woeful city

have you been taking vague and obscure lessons from Kamlee???---or maybe I should not read on a full stomach??(the blood flow to the stomach is increased to aid in digestion--not much left for my brain..lol)







Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".  




[This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 07-24-2000).]
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 07-24-2000 01:41 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Oh, you caught me on this one! Methinks you are picking up the gist of the jest from those like 'Deer, and LJA, and WayoutWalt...

so I am sitting here grinning...{~,^}

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


3 posted 07-24-2000 01:55 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Lemme clarify... (tee hee     ) have to do this so soon...

This is sorrowful yet playful if you look insightfully at the images...I hope that this turns out like I expected it to...

Sorrowful, yes - because it talks about loneliness and all the amazing feelings that go with it...

Sarcastically jesty if the world looks at the loner hiding himself away locked in his own lonely thoughts... that made up the last 4 lines...

So I can understand Karilea grinning, but there are a few sharp instruments here the serpent fangs etc...

I don't know which side you take, but you are free to choose... care for a second look, Karilea, and a fourth Jamie?

Ok enough of the dragging brag...

Let me atleast thank you for reading this one and your responses...

regards,
sudhir.

P.S. Jamie, obscure lessons from Kamla? WhatzThat?   Maybe you should have some cognac or some other strong digestive lol...  


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


4 posted 07-24-2000 02:04 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Well now this isn't CA, but let me tell you what I saw:

Loneliness crawls like a serpent fanged,
Tentacle-hooded crawling with sharp arms,
Into mournful mountains, a loner sang,
With tears harvested from life's farms.

the lonesomeness here literally sings out, high on a mountain, crying to mountains, no one to hear but the serpent...the pain so intense from life itself

Unheard in solitude, are stinging strains
The loner's melancholied harping melodies
From a faraway hill top in singled pains,
A goat away of his herd, wailing parodies.

Only to hear the bleating of a lost goat, hearing the man cry, crying back, each an echo unto itself

Out in an unexplored world, but in obscurity,
Free from ungainly bindings, but imprisoned,
Held captive in a lonely soul's woeful city,
Filled with pain felt to extremes, unreasoned.

knowing that when even in the most public of places, the obscurity one can feel when just one, no place to go, no one to be with

From the pages of the book of a loner,
No words jump out, for there are none!
What could one write about a lone runner,
Marooned, a ship in high seas, unable to run!

and then you turned the tides on me [pun intended] and put this very person on a ship at sea, with nowhere to run!

So OK, I'm still smiling, but now it is at your efforts, for they are so very serious, and as always, quite effective.

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


5 posted 07-24-2000 02:17 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Karilea,

This is fun and I did not see all that myself... you have sharp 'snake' eyes (all pun and nothing else)    

Now to the poem...  the way you imagined is of course the most correct way to look at it...

but it (probably) occurred to me when I was writing that I could not add anything spectacular about a lonely man doing nothing, (actually the world also looks down upon a loner often considering him to be a loser...) so I became a writer who wrote nothing great about the subject and blamed the subject itself... how about that for sarcasm... any good? I remember an old BeeGees song "I started a Joke... and the joke was on me..."

... CA or no CA, all views welcome...

Thanks Karilea, thanks a lot...

regards,
sudhir.
P.S. Have to change a line there line 8 should read "A goat away from his herd"...     corrected that now...



[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 07-24-2000).]
ma miller
Senior Member
since 07-11-2000
Posts 818


6 posted 07-24-2000 03:16 PM       View Profile for ma miller   Email ma miller   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ma miller

Loneliness crawls like a serpent fanged,
Tentacle-hooded crawling with sharp arms,
Into mournful mountains, a loner sang,
With tears harvested from life's farms.

... and you talk about my lines ... this is great, Sudhir ... beautiful piece ...
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 06-21-2000
Posts 7338
In the winds of Cherokee song


7 posted 07-24-2000 03:22 PM       View Profile for Mark Bohannan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark Bohannan

Well now it is a relief to find out that the brain exercises are not just mine.  It seems to me that you have got everyone thinking on this one.  I love the hidden ridiculous of this piece and the worlds of entrapment that we place ourselves in.  You have penned a masterpiece and I think you think that I know it will cause much thought for the day and night.  Well done my friend.
Gossamerwings
Member
since 07-18-2000
Posts 210


8 posted 07-24-2000 03:53 PM       View Profile for Gossamerwings   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gossamerwings

I loved it until everyone
started trying to explain it.  


Gossamerwings ;)
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


9 posted 07-24-2000 04:00 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

I think I'll keep hold of my first thoughts on this verse Sudhir ... a painful indepth look at a lonesome soul whose walls are of his own making ... brilliantly penned!  

Best wishes,
/Kit
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


10 posted 07-24-2000 04:10 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

But Sudhir it really sounds like something that nothing that you wrote about.

So let's see now.....if you have the ability to write about the loner who really is no one special to write about then it's like writing about something that is nothing. If you can write about nothing and have it seem like there is something to nothing then there is something to the nothing that you are writing about. But then if you wrote about nothing then there would be no something. I think I have it now you can make something that seems like nothing into something that is still nothing but seems like something.

Whew! that was damn hard to figure out.
Are you sure you are not using legerdemain of the pen?????????
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


11 posted 07-24-2000 04:22 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

But Sudhir it really sounds like something that nothing that you wrote about.

So let's see now.....if you have the ability to write about the loner who really is no one special to write about then it's like writing about something that is nothing. If you can write about nothing and have it seem like there is something to nothing then there is something to the nothing that you are writing about. But then if you wrote about nothing then there would be no something. I think I have it now you can make something that seems like nothing into something that is still nothing but seems like something.

Whew! that was damn hard to figure out.
Are you sure you are not using legerdemain of the pen?????????
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


12 posted 07-24-2000 04:31 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

But Sudhir it really sounds like something that nothing that you wrote about.

So let's see now.....if you have the ability to write about the loner who really is no one special to write about then it's like writing about something that is nothing. If you can write about nothing and have it seem like there is something to nothing then there is something to the nothing that you are writing about. But then if you wrote about nothing then there would be no something. I think I have it now you can make something that seems like nothing into something that is still nothing but seems like something.

Whew! that was damn hard to figure out.
Are you sure you are not using legerdemain of the pen?????????
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


13 posted 07-24-2000 04:41 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

But Sudhir it really sounds like something that nothing that you wrote about.

So let's see now.....if you have the ability to write about the loner who really is no one special to write about then it's like writing about something that is nothing. If you can write about nothing and have it seem like there is something to nothing then there is something to the nothing that you are writing about. But then if you wrote about nothing then there would be no something. I think I have it now you can make something that seems like nothing into something that is still nothing but seems like something.

Whew! that was damn hard to figure out.
Are you sure you are not using legerdemain of the pen?????????
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


14 posted 07-24-2000 04:47 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

But Sudhir it really sounds like something that nothing that you wrote about.

So let's see now.....if you have the ability to write about the loner who really is no one special to write about then it's like writing about something that is nothing. If you can write about nothing and have it seem like there is something to nothing then there is something to the nothing that you are writing about. But then if you wrote about nothing then there would be no something. I think I have it now you can make something that seems like nothing into something that is still nothing but seems like something.

Whew! that was damn hard to figure out.
Are you sure you are not using legerdemain of the pen?????????
monique
Member
since 02-03-2000
Posts 377
Louisiana


15 posted 07-24-2000 09:24 PM       View Profile for monique   Email monique   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for monique

I hope by sharing the burden of loneliness
Has lighten up its presence

monique


[This message has been edited by monique (edited 07-25-2000).]
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


16 posted 07-25-2000 05:05 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

MA Miller,
There are times when some words drop off the pen... thanks for your kind remarks...

Mark,
Brain is that part that needs constant exercise else... one will be BRAIN-DEAD   lol... thanks for reading etc...

Gossamerwings,
I am sorry if I reduced your pleasure... but thanks for reading...  

Kit,
your words honour me so much... thank you...

ethome,
Thank You (make that 5 times   ) I can be never sure of the sleight the hand possesses... so have to keep trying  

monique,
Thanks a lot for your hope and wish...


regards to all,
sudhir


ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


17 posted 07-25-2000 05:29 AM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

But Sudhir it really sounds like something that nothing that you wrote about.

So let's see now.....if you have the ability to write about the loner who really is no one special to write about then it's like writing about something that is nothing. If you can write about nothing and have it seem like there is something to nothing then there is something to the nothing that you are writing about. But then if you wrote about nothing then there would be no something. I think I have it now you can make something that seems like nothing into something that is still nothing but seems like something.

Whew! that was damn hard to figure out.
Are you sure you are not using legerdemain of the pen?????????
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


18 posted 07-25-2000 05:34 AM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

sorry about all those posts I got locked out here and this little window kept coming up saying the document contains no data.....
obviously every time I hit submit it was submitting.........sorry
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


19 posted 07-25-2000 07:09 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

ethome,
no need to feel bad about this... this was probably caused due to the server problems. Poor Ceres has to undergo a lot of wear and tear these day. However, I believe if one of the moderators see this, they can clean this up... or you could drop them a line them...

however I do not mind...

regards
sudhir.
Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 04-08-2000
Posts 2424
State of constant confusion!


20 posted 07-25-2000 07:14 AM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

Ok, I won't try to explain what I see in this piece(mostly because it boggles my mind to think about it this early)  

But I will say that I love the wording, so very sharp and yet almost dull at the same time. It sticks with you for a while. But then all your work does  

[This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 07-25-2000).]
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


21 posted 07-25-2000 09:06 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Jeffrey
Have a cuppa cofee then...  

Many Thanks for your compliments... and for reading..

regards,
sudhir
juliet_2u
Senior Member
since 07-23-2000
Posts 1132
North Carolina


22 posted 07-25-2000 09:46 AM       View Profile for juliet_2u   Email juliet_2u   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for juliet_2u

Sudhir, you've done it to me again. Very moving. Loved it. Thanks, Juls
TerryW
Senior Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 787
Louisville, Mississippi, USA


23 posted 07-25-2000 10:25 AM       View Profile for TerryW   Email TerryW   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit TerryW's Home Page   View IP for TerryW

Sudhir~
     Very well done!  I saw many different phases in the poem myself.  You transitioned from one into the other effortlessly, even though all were intertwined in their own ways.  (Like a Celtic Peace Knot -  Yes I am of Celtic descent!  )  Very, very good!



~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


24 posted 07-25-2000 10:39 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Hey Juliet,
I am glad that you liked this one... thanks for joining in...

Terry,
Celtic is interesting to know... Thanks for sharing that piece about you ... and for reading...

regards,
sudhir.
 
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